All things...

Kata Tjuta

Ultimately, I have found that the only explorer worth talking about is, personal experience. We all experience the world differently, whether we are Australian, French, German, Klingon, British, Canadian, or Adam. The great thing about exploration and discovery is that we all are looking for different things in similar experiences. Some are looking for external discovery, or internal understanding, or even pictures for Facebook (and I have lots of pictures.) The outback is a strange and wondrous place. It is certainly not somewhere I would wish to live, (as most people who do live there go at least partially crazy from isolation,) but it is also a place I don't mind visiting. My journey was hardly as arduous as the journeys of Sturt, Stuart, or Burke and Wills but it was met with its fair share of small triumphs and tragedies. Whether it was the annoyance of the flies or falling asleep watching the stars, whether it was sacrificing my favorite pair of shorts or dancing the night away at some far flung bar with my international friends I have found my own sense of the outback. I cannot measure it in samples of flora and fauna or routes mapped to water or even in the miles I traveled, but it is an experience that will stay with me.

We spent our final days exploring Kata Tjuta and Kings Canyon. There was a lot of hiking and even a fair bit of climbing, but the views of the landscape only improved with each meter above sea-level that we traveled. We plunged into the oasis that was the Garden of Eden in the middle of Kings Canyon and some of our party literally plunged into the garden's freezing waterhole while the rest of us sat around eating chips and granola bars. Much like Uluru we found a place of beauty that was sacred to the native population and taking one look at the majestic red rock cliffs and expansive views it was not hard to understand why.

Kings Canyon

Our last night was spent under the stars at Kings Creek Cattle Station which was haunted... sort of. Aboriginal people are apparently terrified by the place and usually refuse to step foot anywhere near the land where the cattle station is located. It is said to be inhabited by the evil shaman spirit Waiwera. Small tornado-like occurrences happen in the outback when warm air mingles with cold breezes to create a circular wind effect. It is the same basic concept as regular tornadoes and it is an occurrence you can see almost anywhere, such as when a leaf is picked up by cross winds and blown in circles. Aboriginal people believe that such a phenomenon is Waiwera. They say that is how he travels and much like the Tasmanian Devil or Red Tornado he travels from one place to another appearing as a small cyclone of air. As usual, I did not know this when we stayed At Kings Creek Cattle Station, and as usual Steve, our guide, slept in the bus. That night I stayed up late playing drinking games with my French, German, and Swiss friends, which meant I basically had to go to the bathroom every two hours. So round about two o'clock in the morning I was walking back from the bathroom and I had a strange sense of being watched. (admittedly it could have been because there were teeming multitudes of mice running around and moving in the tall grass, but I think it might have been more.) Even weirder the wind seemed to kick up behind me as I walked, almost like it was following me. I suppose the mind plays tricks on you when you are half asleep and dragging your butt back to a warm sleeping bag on a cold windy night.

However, Steve told us of an occurrence that has happened a few times to some of the people in his former groups. The most impressive was of a Dutch woman who was traveling with her daughter. She was actually had a doctorate of biology and was a smoker. That night she walked away from the fire to smoke a cigarette and look at the stars alone. A few moments later she let out a blood curdling scream that alerted the rest of the group to come running. When they got to her she was shaking from head to toe and felt queasy and weak-kneed. Apparently, she described the sensation that something was holding her down, pressing on her shoulders. She felt like she couldn't move. So they listened sympathetically and guided her back to camp to sit by the fire. Her daughter sat next to her and put her arm around her scared mother. Suddenly, the wind kicked up out of no where and a small swirling breeze moved into camp, dampened the fire and picked up some of the ash from the fire and threw it on top of mother and daughter before moving off. Supposedly, this type of phenomenon and behavior was witnessed on several occasions by different people. I never saw anything this conclusive, but it does make you think. Maybe the aboriginal people are not wrong for staying away from the place.

Either way, we put the place behind us and headed to Alice Springs, the most remote and smallest of Australia's major cities, but I will leave that for another post.

Ulur-who?

Uluru before the sunrise

My favorite outback explorers are Robert O'Hara Burke and William John Wills. As far as explorers go they are the Laural and Hardy of Aussies explorers. They set out from Melbourne in 1860 in a race against John McDouall Stuart to collect the 2,000 pound reward to be the first explorers to cross the 143 longitude line. Burke was selected as expedition leader, even though he had no experience in exploration and was a policeman that had no knowledge or skill in bushcraft (survival in the outback). Rather than take cattle to be slaughtered as the expedition traveled, it was decided that dried meat would be taken instead. The meat required three extra wagons and slowed the pace of the expedition down exceedingly. Among some of the other more useful things that Burke and Wills took with them were a cedar-topped oak table, rockets, 80 pairs of shoes, beds, a vast assortment of hats, and a Chinese gong. All told, the equipment weighed about 20 tons. (It took them two weeks to travel from Melbourne to Menindee, a trip that was regularly accomplished in one week by the Australian Postal Service.)

Among some of their wiser decisions were to feed the camels Rum in a belief that it prevented scurvy, yet to lighten their load they left behind the majority of their guns and ammunition. At this point two of the expedition's five officers resigned and thirteen members of the expedition were fired. Impatient with the slow pace, Burke and Wills took fifteen of the strongest horses, seven of the fittest men, and a small amount of the supplies and pushed on to Cooper Creek. The plan was to wait there for the expedition and the majority of the supplies to catch up, but Burke was impatient and the desert was hot. So it was decided that Burke and Wills with two other men would push on to the Gulf of Carpentaria and return to Cooper Creek when the rest of the supplies showed up. Travel was easy as it was the rainy season, but the swamps near the Flinders River slowed them considerably. They never made it to the gulf before they ran out of supplies. They turned back, but the rainy season was over and the trip back was much worse. The remaining camels were shot and eaten along with their only horse, Billy. As they traveled they left a line of dead camels, equipment, shoes, and hats, like a morbid trail of death and Chinese gongs.

The supplies and men waiting for their return at Cooper Creek had been waiting 18 weeks at this point. They decided to depart back to Melbourne on the morning of April 21. Burke and Wills arrived in Cooper Creek on the evening of April 21, missing the departure of their supplies and salvation by only nine hours. So Burke and Wills set off again following the small Cooper Creek down river to Mount Hopeless (sounds promising right?) They left a note in the buried cache of supplies that their party had left at Cooper Creek, but neglected to change the date on the mark left at the campsite. Meanwhile, the supply wagons that had departed Cooper Creek, decided to turn around and come back in hopes that Burke and Wills had returned. They arrived on May 8, just missing Burke and Wills by only a few days. Since the mark was never changed the party just assumed that Burke and Wills had never returned and went home. Predictably, Burke and Wills were never seen again.

Uluru after the sunrise

Burke and Wills expedition was made up of five Englishmen, six Irishmen, four Indian sepoys, three Germans, and one American. My little group was made up of Germans, French, Swiss, Australians, British, Canadians, Chinese, and one American. Following in the spirit of Burke and Wills, we made our way to Uluru (basically that big rock that is on every postcard you have ever seen of Australia.) Uluru also known as Ayers Rock, is a large sandstone rock formation in the southern part of the Northern Territory. It is sacred to the Aṉangu, the Aboriginal people of the area. It has many springs, waterholes, rock caves and ancient paintings. Uluru is listed as a World Heritage Site. Uluru is an inselberg, literally island mountain, an isolated remnant left after the slow erosion of an original mountain range. The remarkable feature of Uluru is its homogeneity and lack of jointing and parting at bedding surfaces, leading to the lack of development of scree slopes and soil. These characteristics led to its survival, while the surrounding rocks were eroded. Uluru and the Kata Tjuta mountains are unlike any of the surrounding landscape or rocks. More to the point it is believed that what we see of Uluru is nothing but the top of a much larger and intact rock formation, kind of like an iceberg.

Uluru is a sacred place to the Aboriginal people as it basically the crux of their entire creation story. There are many stories that are told around it, which help explain the workings of the earth and formation of the rock. Among one of their beliefs is that one of the Great Snakes that formed the continent is resting underground and Uluru is its back. That is why they do not like people climbing on it, because their beliefs say that when the snake wakes up, the world is over. So in hopes of preventing Armageddon they try to discourage the tourist population from climbing the rock. However, if the world is going to come to an end, it  seems pretty likely that it would be through tourism.

As for our own experiences we spent nearly two days exploring the great rock, learning about its history and culture. I declined to climb the rock as somehow it did not feel right to do so. It felt kind of like walking into a Jewish temple eating a ham sandwich. Just because some people may look down on the beliefs of the Aboriginal people, that does not mean we should not respect their wishes. So even though you can climb Uluru, doesn't mean that you should. There is an undeniably holy feel to the whole area, which also added to my decision.

I found the sight of the rock as one of those things that is hard to absorb. It is hard to stand in front of it and actually be able to wrap your mind around the fact that you are standing where you are. Many of the pictures I have taken look fake even to me. They look photoshopped, and even though I was the one standing behind the lens it is hard to think that they are authentic. We watched the sun both set and rise over Uluru. It is an indescribable sight to watch the rock change colors as the sun moves. At night it turns deep shades of red and purple and in the morning it is only a silhouette on the horizon until it is brilliantly illuminated by the rising sun. The only thing better that cold morning was the cup of hot chocolate I was drinking and a sense that I was looking at something truly wondrous and ancient.



My expedition party



It is hard not get almost spiritual as you look at the rock. There is a theory that the rock is actually part of the meteorite whose impact caused the continent of Australia to violently separate from Africa a few hundred million years ago. Though this can't be substantiated the rock does have a measurable electromagnetic field around it, which may be partly why so many people are affected with a sense of almost divine awe when they behold it or stand near it. It is as if it draws the eye and the mind. Whatever it is, it is hard to not feel like you are looking at something more than just a rock. It is an experience I was glad that I did not have while I was alone. Like most defining moments of any trip, (or bad movies,) it is better if you are with people you can talk about it with.

I was with a great group of people and I was very thankful for their presence, not only at Uluru, but for the entirety of the trip. The group was comprised of myself, a Canadian, two Brits, two French, two Germans, a Swiss, two Chinese, a Taiwanese girl, and an Aussie girl, and our guide. It is amazing how different people can be, but how similar. I will not sit here and say that there was not some tension, including a heated debate about the virtues of American culture and its impact of our younger brother to the North, but for the most part we found a lot of common ground. We struggled, slept, and ate as one. We even all did the dishes together. I tried my hand at speaking French and German (with very little success). We shared drinking games and political debate, and by the end we were a small family. We kidded and joked with one another, and shared more than a bus. I find that I will miss them all in one way or another. As I travel I have met many people but the people I stood next too as we watched the sky grow dark around the great rock of Uluru are the people and faces that will stay with me. I wish them all the best in their travels and maybe one day we will meet again.

Heaven and Earth

Life in Coober Pedy

The protege of Charles Sturt was John McDouall Stuart. He is known as one of the most successful inland Australian explorer, and has many many things named after him, most notably the Stuart Highway that runs pretty much from south to north and cuts through the center of the country. He is a man that trekked across the country and helped to establish the first telegraph line that ran across the outback. During his expeditions he contracted scurvy, lost more than half his body weight, and often recorded lush and vibrant waterholes only to return a few years later to find nothing but desolation (as what usually happens during the dry Aussie seasons.) Yet despite all that he is is the only explorer to have never lost a man on any of his six expeditions. The real source of Stuart's success is rumored to be that he was a but of a drunk and because of his dependency on alcohol he literally pickled his organs and insides, which allowed him to be more suited to desert survival. Let that be a lesson to all, if you want to survive in Australia, you need to learn how to drink... its a lesson the locals have taken to heart.

As for my own adventures on our first night of travel we stayed in a small outback outpost known as Angorichina, which I am pretty sure is Aboriginal for "Gas Station." I joke, but there was not much in this small oasis of civilization. It was run by a husband and wife, and every two weeks they had to travel three hours, each way, to go shopping. After World War One Angorichina was given to the Australian Army as a rehab station for soldiers suffering from shell shock. It was where many soldiers went to try and get over the horrors of the European trenches and reintegrate into society. After a barbecue and some campfire talk, we spent the night in the bunk rooms where the poor unfortunate soldiers slept. Funny enough it never occurred to me that the barracks house where half-crazed soldiers lived (and died) might be haunted, but we found out later it was. I did not experience anything, but there were plenty of stories about backpackers and travelers being touched, heavy shadows following people through the hallways, ghostly figures, and other typical spiritual behavior. Our guide, Steve, refused to sleep inside and we found out the next day that he slept in the bus. As interesting as that may seem, it was not the last night we would spend among the spirits and supernatural of Australia.

A Man's Cave is his Castle

In fact, one of the only nights were we did not sleep among the undead was on our second night. We spent it at William Creek, which is part of a cattle station the size of Holland. This night we slept in sleeping bags under the stars... or at least we were supposed to sleep. I spent more than an hour just lying back and gazing at the amazing array of twinkling lights in the sky. Growing up in the shadow of New York City, the sky is often void of those celestial sparks of light, and even in most parts of populated America is it hard to come by a decent night sky. So finally I had found a sight I had been waiting my whole life to see, an endless field of stars. I am not joking when I say it was a sight that was on my bucket list, and more to the point it was as surprising as it was amazing. Lying back and watching the stars makes you feel simultaneously small and connected to the universe. It's like suddenly you are only a small speck on a small speck orbiting a small speck of light lost in a vast sea of little lights. However, you realize how alive the universe really is and all the wonders that exists in it. Every light I saw was thousands, if not millions of years old, but they all represented one thing, possibilities. The universe is bigger than we can comprehend and there is more out there than we have even begun to understand. I am not talking in terms of aliens, but in terms of everything: spirituality, God, or whatever. How can we ever think that we know everything there is to know. We have only the smallest fraction of understanding of it all. Anyway, I am digressing...

If you have ever seen the star field of the night sky in its full grandeur you may realize that stars are not just points of light, but clusters of light. A clear as my hand in front of my face, I could see the thick cloud of stars we have come to call the Milky Way as it cut its swath across the darkened sky. I finally understand how ancient man looked up and saw images such as Orion or the shapes of animals in the sky. It is not so much about connecting obscure dots, but it is similar to looking at clouds in the sky and letting your mind create shapes and familiar images out of them. I saw Orion and I mean  I actually saw what our ancestors saw. I saw the hunter. Another startling fact is that the sky is very much a living thing. I saw five or six very distinct shooting stars. All the time there is debris and other particles entering out atmosphere, and if you look at any section of the sky long enough without the nuisance of light pollution you will see them as they streak brilliantly across the sky. Moreover, the stars twist and move in the sky with the rotation of the Earth. I also got up in the morning before sunrise, and watched the sun come up over the distant desert.

Possibly haunted underground bunkhouse

During that time of the day, as the stars faded from sight with the growing redness of the horizon I was met with two more surprises. One, is that Mercury, Venus, and Saturn are aligned near each other, which is a phenom that doesn't happen very often (I mean like in hundreds of years.) Next as I watched the stars as they grew fainter I also was able to track one fast moving point of light as it made its way across the sky above me. It startled me at first, but I quickly realized that I was not watching a star pass slowly overhead, but a man-made satellite as it caught the light from the rising sun. I watched it till it lost the reflection of the sun and disappeared altogether from sight. The morning itself was filled with an inviting stillness. I was the only one awake and the creature of the night were starting to go to sleep as the creature of the day were just beginning to stir. I watched the sky grow redder until the first rays of the sun began to peak over the horizon. I guess I have never truly watched the sun rise or set before, because when put against a point of comparison (like the horizon) it is amazing how truly fast the sun travels across the sky. Within minutes of the first rays of light the sun was fully risen and the temperature around me almost immediately grew warmer. The stars were gone and my retinas were slightly burned, but I was content for the moment. Like the morning itself there was a stillness inside me.

Our third night, was spent in Coober Pedy, a mining town with almost 15% of its buildings being underground. It was a little like the Shire, but with more Australians. We slept in an underground bunkhouse, which was also haunted, but I will get to that. We spent our third and fourth day exploring the town and its underground wonders and we were also joined by nine more people, bringing our number up to 14 people.

The town of Coober Pedy is the Opal capital of the world and in case you were to ever forget it, the town is usually more than happy to remind you. Almost everywhere you look there are signs selling the overpriced gem material. (I mean I agree it is beautiful, but I'm not spending $180 on a pen.) We took a tour of an opal mine and a tour of an undergrounded house and the underground Catholic church. We also went out to the Breakaways, which millions of years ago was the shore of where the ocean used to meet Australia. Now it is a valley of canyons and beautiful desert mountains and peaks. It is also where such classic movies like Mad Max, Pitch Black, and Red Planet were filmed. (Supposedly, the Phantom Menace was also scheduled to be filmed there as well, but George Lucas nixed it at the last moment as the crew and actors couldn't put up with the fly population of Australia.) Again, as it is one of the rainiest years in one hundred years the valley was teaming with life and did not look very much like Mars. However we did see the Australian "Dog Fence," which is the largest fence ever constructed on Earth. It stretches from coast of South Australia near the Western Australia border all the way to Surfer's Paradise in Queensland. For anyone not up on their Australian geography, that is roughly 3,500 miles. (If you were to drive from New York to Los Angeles that would only be 2,778 miles.) It was built to try and keep the dingo population separate from the sheep population of the continent. it doesn't really work, as the fence is not very big and more often than not the dingoes can just jump over it if they are hungry enough.

Our night was spent in the underground bunkhouse with barely warm showers. As it was once an opal mine itself, there were miners who died there in the usual tragic ways that miners die, cave-ins, gas leaks, underage drinking, etc. So the bunkhouse was haunted, and Steve the tour guide slept in the bus again. I don't know how much of it I believe, but I will admit that I was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises. At the time I just took them as the echoing noises of my fellow bunk mates, but afterwards when we were told of the stories, what I heard fell eerily in line with the stories. Apparently, the most common story is of people hearing whispered voices coming from the walls. I am not saying that's what I heard, but it certainly makes a person stop and think. After all, there are more things in Heaven and Earth than can be dreamt of in our philosophies. Poor Yorick...

Way Outback

The Great R... Green Centre

There has been a great and wide history of white men blundering their way through the Outback. And like all great men, most of them suffered and died in horrible ways. The outback or "The Red Centre" as they call it around here, is a place full of indescribable wonders, but also a myriad of dangers. Take for example the journeys of Charles Sturt. He was convinced that Australia must have an inland sea... because hey it can't all be desert out there... In 1829, Sturt set out on an expedition to find out where the western-flowing rivers of New South Wales flowed. Among the useful things Sturt brought with him was a disassembled whale boat. After dragging it halfway across the desert he did get to eventually use it to traverse the Murrumbidgee River which he traced to the Murray River (one of the main rivers in Australia.) However, when they reached the sea they found that the Murray River was an impassable maze of lagoons and inlets that was unusable for shipping. Then he was faced with the arduous task of rowing back up the Murray and Murrumbidgee Rivers. When the trip took too long and the boat bottomed out as the river began to evaporate around them, Sturt sent two men out to find supplies. They barely made it back in time to save the party. Unfortunately they were not in time to save Sturt's vision as he went blind for several months and had failing health problems for the rest of his life. Now any normal man would take abject blindness as a sign that you are on the wrong career path and retire from the expedition game, but not Chuckie. He was so obsessed with finding the mystical inland Australian sea that in 1844 he tried again. This time with 15 men, 200 sheep, and a boat. Long story short, boats don't work as well in the desert as in the ocean, He was stranded for months in the heat and eventually contracted scurvy. He did eventually make it back and retire to England, but he never found his fabled inland ocean.

Sturt was a pioneer in outback exploration and as I set out on my own adventure I found myself following in the footsteps of men like Sturt, in both direction and in horrible mishaps that could have cost me body parts. Without going into detail, let's say that I am the only person in the world who can get caught on a barbed-wire fence in the middle of the world's most desolate desert. Other dangers involved dehydration, heat exhaustion, poisonous snakes/spiders/etc, and suffocation by flies. Yes, I said flies. The further north you head the more their population grows. I have always known that the insects of Australia have been overly friendly, but there is nothing like being swarmed by small black insects who seem intent on getting intimate with you. Not only are they drawn to humans, but they seem particularly drawn to the insides of ears, noses, and even eyeballs. Thankfully, their population is controlled this time of the year, due to the coming winter, but I could only imagine what it would be like during the summer, as you walk around like a rotting zombie corpse with flies invading every orifice you can think of. Since I am an American, I did what we all do most naturally and I dumped the most powerful chemical spray on myself I could find, but apparently modern science has yet to make the spray powerful enough to repel the Australian Outback Fly. It helped, a little, but it certainly was the most annoying part of my trip.

The abandoned town of Farina... I think I used to play this
level in Call of Duty

Yet I tried not to let it bother me as much like those old time explorers I set out for adventure and the unknown. (Well sort of unknown... I mean I booked the trip and the itinerary was listed right there, but stop taking everything so literal. I am trying to set a mood...) I began, bleary eyed from Adelaide at 6:45 AM on Friday, regretting my decision to attend a pub crawl on the previous night. We set out as a party of five, including our tour guide and driver, Steve. (Let me take a moment to say a word on Steve, whose vocabulary was often limited to phrases such as "Brilliant!" "Jesus!" "Fantastic!" and "Any questions?!" He was a pretty weird guy, but he has a lot of good stories and I enjoyed the conversations I had with him about everything from Aboriginal culture to American history.) Our first destination for the day was the small town of Quorn, one of many small towns we would be traveling through over the never few days. By outback standards Quorn was actually pretty big as it had a population of roughly 1,000 people. The only reason for the existnce of the town was because it was where the original railroad stopped before World War One. (I mean it literally terminated,) and any cargo going north had to be unloaded and packed onto camels and walked through the outback.

During the First World War the railway was extended further north. It was named "The Ghan" in honor of all the Afghanistan people who used to work the camel trains. In Quorn, it was also where I learned that Steve is somewhat of a "foodie" and all our meals over the next few days would not only be of excellent quality, but have surprisingly tidy presentation. Other small towns we passed through included Hawker and Marree as we followed the old "Ghan" railroad north. I use the term "town" loosely, as they are really nothing more than an assortment of buildings amounting to a gas station, a few houses, and a pub. Marree has a population of 12. It is also one of the most historic unknown towns in the Outback. As it was the second place where the Ghan Railroad terminated heading north, until 1929, where the railroad was extended further north again, but some idiot used the wrong size gauge for the second track, so trains could not drive straight through. It was in Marree that the cargo had to be unloaded from one train and placed on the second so it could continue its journey. When the new railway was built in another part of the desert in the 50's the town was basically abandoned, but it still has the oldest Mosque in Australia.

Aboriginal cave paintings

Other sights of interest included the abandoned and desolate town of Farina. The Australian Government used to give land to farmers who were willing to work it and build infrastructure in the outback. The town of Farina was where some of those people lived. It took them fourteen years to realize that you could not farm the outback and in their frustration the people just picked up and left, leaving towns and homesteads abandoned.

We also saw Aboriginal cave paintings that told part of the Song Line story that helped the indigenous people learn about how the Earth was created and directed them to watering holes and warned of different type of dangers. It was like a highway of mythology.

We also saw a weird sculpture grounds placed in the middle of the desert. It was put there to draw attention to protests going on against the Australian Government and an American Company that had allowed nuclear materials to be sold to China and Pakistan which wound up being weaponized. (Sidenote: Because of this incident and subsequent testings, New Zealand banned all nuclear powered ships from entering their waters. This turned out to be a bad move as New Zealand was a major port of call of the US Navy's Pacific Fleet. Unfortunately most of our battleships, carriers, and submarines are nuclear powered. Also unfortunately, those ships helped make up the majority of trade done in New Zealand wool, and the industry completely collapsed in New Zealand. They switched to herding cattle instead of sheep and the price of lamp skyrocketed in Australia. So Pakistan gets the bomb and the Aussies can't get a descent lamb.)

We also saw natural wonders like Lake Eyre, which is a huge dry inland lake (which is why Sturt never found it), which is about 3,600 square miles in length. It is one of the lowest point in Australia (49 feet below seas level), and when all the continents were connected it was part of the sea. When the continent broke away from Africa several hundred-million years ago, it twisted and distorted all of Australia was raised up 80 meters (160 feet or so), and the sea became isolated into a huge inland lake. Eventually all the water evaporated because of the intense heat and the sun, leaving a dry river bed. Nowadays, it is only full every ten to fifteen years or more, as it catches the run-off of all major storm systems across the continent in a rainy year. This also gives the added wonder of giving the lake and its surrounding area its own weather system as the water evaporates and recycles. When the lake does fill it is first a fresh water lake and then a salt water lake, before evaporating again for another ten to fifteen years. The really interesting part about the lake is that the behavior of the animals around it baffles scientists. When the lake fills up, thousands of pelicans make the trip to the lake, carrying fish in their beaks. They then drop the fish into the newly formed lake and repopulate the lake with fresh water fish. When the lake turns to salt water, they do the same, traveling all the way to the ocean and back to get saltwater fish to repopulate the lake again. Scientists have no idea how they know to do this, or even how they know when the lake is going to fill. Another strange type of fish, exclusive to Lake Eyre, is a fish that can bury itself in the dry earth for up to four years and go into a suspended coma. When water again fills the middle and deepest parts of the lake it comes back to life, digs itself out, and lives in the water again (like God intended it to.) When the lake dries up, the fish goes back into the Earth. this type of fish has not been found anywhere else in the world.

Lake Eyre (Sturt's mythical inland sea)

Normally, Lake Eyre is dry and the Outback is a desolate and red sandy place, however, following the principles of Adam's Law (Anything that can go wrong will go wrong... for Adam), Australia has been experiencing the rainiest year it has ever had in nearly one-hundred years. Thus, not only is the lake filled, but the Great Red Centre needs to be renamed as the Great Green Centre, as there is more vegetation sprouting up that hair on the head of David Hassalhoff. As wondrous and majestic as that is, it can be a little disappointing. I came to see a landscape that resembled the planet Mars and I got one that more or less resembles Colorado in the summer. I have determined that a side-effect of Adam's Law is the prosperity of Australia, as not only is the landscape in full and vivid bloom, but the Australian dollar is now crushing the American dollar by a factor of 1.10 to 1.00.

Still, I cannot deny the wonder and beauty of the outback, be it Green or Red. I have stood in the middle of the harshest environment in the world and gazed out to the horizon. The desert is desolate and rejects all life, yet with the slightest touch of water it comes alive with surprising vegetation, color, and animal life. It is truly a place that seems unreal. Most of my time spent was spent in awe, trying to convince myself that I was not seeing some huge painted movie backdrop or special effect trick and that I was actually face to face with beauty on a scale I hardly imagined. The pictures cannot do it justice, nor can my paltry command of the English language. That is why I will end here for now, but there is much more to come.

Adel-Kool-Aide

Adelaide has some interesting architectural stylings. 

So I have now been a few days in the city known as Adelaide. It is not as busy, crowded, or rush-rush as a city like Melbourne (if that seems possible), but still, in the short time I have spent here I have come to enjoy the city. All the Australians I have met have always been down on Adelaide. I would tell people, "Oh, I'm going to Adelaide next," and the response would usually be, "Why would you want to go to Adelaide?," or "There is nothing in Adelaide." Thus, I was given a very poor impression of the city before I ever stepped on its soil, but I have enjoyed my time here. (At least its not Hobart.)

Granted, if I were to give you an American equivalent of Adelaide, I would probably say it is like the Indianapolis or Cincinnati of Australia, but even Cin City (I am sure) has its charms. Adelaide, for instance, is the only Australian city that was planned in a convenient and easy to navigate grid. It was the first city in Australia to be founded by freemen and not prisoners, and it is a town that seems to have the architectural styling of Medieval England and the French Quarter of New Orleans. Also, there is a lot of "Adult Entertainment" shops. That's not my cup of tea, but I am sure some people would enjoy that.

Adelaide has some beautiful parks.

Speaking of tea, the hostel I am staying at has free tea all day and free pancakes in the morning. (It doesn't get much better than that.) Adelaide Central YHA is probably one of the nicest hostels I have ever stayed at. It is clean, has a variety of amenities, such as a common room full of couches, pool tables, and promises of activities such as cheap pizza night, game nights, and pub crawls. However, I have learned one thing about traveling in hostels in Australia. "Mixed" male/female dorm rooms sounds like a really good idea on paper, but in practicality you end up sleeping with a Japanese family of three who never leaves the room.

As for my adventures in Adelaide, I took the same approach to this city as I did in Melbourne, I went out with the intentions of getting lost, and along the way I found many interesting sights, sounds, and people. I even stumbled across three comic book shops, a Toys R'Us, Adelaide University, and a few beautiful parks and interesting sculpture choices. There was also your usual slathering of street performers and among them a friend of mine named, Wing, who I met in the hostel. He is a yo-yo expert and is here to try and compete in the yo-yo competition coming up in a month. For now he is making some spare change just performing his craft in the streets. He also does balloon animals.

Adelaide has balls.

Adelaide is a surprising town and though I have only spent a few days here. It is clean, friendly, and there is surprisingly more to do here than initially believed. I have enjoyed my time in Adelaide, and maybe I'll find my way back here someday. It might be nice to have a bit more time in this quaint little St. Louis of the southern hemisphere.

Editor's Note: I have discovered why most Australians are so down on Adelaide. It is mainly because they are not in the "know." Apparently Adelaide is one of the more affluent cities in Australia and it is home to the major families and land owners (including the very rich and very powerful Kidman family... yeah that Kidman...) So most Australians find the city boring because they don't know the right people, but if you know the right people apparently there is a crazy nightlife to be had. I, however, do not know the right people, but I still think it is a great town.

Last Train to Adelaide

Australian countryside passing by outside
my window.

As I write I find myself sitting in a lime-green dining cart, circa 1952. I currently find myself on the train known as "The Overland." It is a train in the service of The Great Southern Rail that gives transport from Melbourne to Adelaide. It is also the first leg of my newest adventure. Ironically, the first thing I am reminded of as I travel over 800 km across the southern parts of Australia is an episode of MacGyver I recently watched on Australian daytime TV. (Because I learned that the only things on in Australia during the daytime are, MacGyver, Magnum PI, Murder She Wrote, Hercules, and Perfect Strangers.) In the episode, Richard Dean Anderson found himself on a train heading through the unforgiving climate of the Indian subcontinent, when the train was predictably hijacked by a group of angry villagers who were looking for a westerner who swindled them out of all their money in exhcnage for posioned medicine. Mac, of course, had to intervene and used his considerable ingenuity and paper clips to turn the train into a time traveling device with Doc Brown, and they went back in time and saved Abraham Lincoln... or something... I might have dozed off while I was watching it. My point is that I feel kind of like Mac, prepared.

At about 6:30 in the morning, as I sat bleery eyed on a tram to Southern Cross Station where I would depart on my train, I had a sort of epihphany. As I stood there laden with all my worldly possessions I realized that I was not nervous. Normally, I would have expected a feeling of anxiety as I headed off to make my train, with a thousand different worries swiming through my head. "Can I make my train?" "Will the hostel be booked?" "What if I get lost?" "Do I have everything?" "How can I hit the thermal exhaust port when its only 1-meter wide?" etc, etc... Not this morning. As I looked out over the sun was rising above Melbourne and all I found was a sense of excitement and certainty that even if things went sideways I would be able to handle it. (After all, I am a resourceful, fit, and prepared young man with an above level IQ and an advanced degree.) So whether it was wrestling an alligator or debating the finer points of A Call to Arms, I knew I would make it through. And as I looked at my reflection in the darkened tram window that was when it hit me: I had forgotten my hair brush. I left it on the bathroom sink.

Hakuna Matata. I can buy another hairbrush. Life is good and I am on my way to a new place with new sights to see, new people to meet, and new experiences to be had. So far I have spent my day in realtive peace, watching the scenery go-by. The Australian landscape is beautiful, desolate by American standards, but surprisiginly beautiful. I have passed through wheat fields, mountains, vineyards, and finally savannah-like open fields where the view stretches for miles. This trip seems just what I need to shake off the sort of unthinking blaise I have come accustomed to when thinking about Australia. I find myself once again excited to see a land so vastly different from everything I have known. Everything old is suddenly new again.

The Overland, because why not have a deadly, freakish evolved
dinosaur bird as you symbol. Don't make the train angry it will
surround you in a coordinated attack with several other trains
 and slash you open from belly to chin.

It is precicesly that reason I have left the comfort and familiarity of Melbourne for greater parts unknown. I am thankful for the time I spent living and working in Melbourne as it allowed me a chance to adapt to life, culture, and accents in Australia. However, it had become comfortable in a way. It was a place I had made into a home, but this trip is not about comfort. In fact, I long ago decided this trip is about staying perpetually ahead of my comfort zone, not only as a means of seeing the sights but testing myself and my limits. So with that, this morning I bid farewell to my flat, the many people I had met and worked with over the past few months, and a transit system which caused me no small degree of grief. I am on my way to Adelaide where I will spend the next few days living and exploring my new surroundings before I pick up with a seven day camping trip through the outback.

Maybe it is just the fact that I spent the past two and a half hours watching one of my favorite movies of all time: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, or maybe it is that I have found a new sense of adventure. I cannot be sure, but for now I have an indescribable urge to go out and explore, discover, (and possibly throw a Nazi from the train. "No ticket!")

Playing Footsie

This guy could have a promising career
with Green Bay, I hear they can use a new
field goal kicker.

Being that my time in Melbourne is rapidly coming to an end, I decided it was time that I check out the game of Australian Rules Football (Footy as the locals call it.) It is a sport that has a large following in Melbourne and the state of Victoria. It is also worth mentioning that 'footy' is unlike games like Cricket or Rugby where it is an entirely Aussie conceived sport, and though the AFL (Australian Football League) has teams from all over Australia the majority of teams come from Melbourne and its surrounding areas.

Yes, you did read that correctly, Melbourne has a lot of footy teams and everyone in the city has their preferences. If you think it is hard enough to decide between the Yankees or the Mets, or the Giants and the Jets, or even the Flyers or the Devils (for my South Jersey readers), you should try deciding between the Geelong Cats, the Essendon Bombers, the North Melbourne Kangaroos, the Carlton Blues, the Collingwood Magpies, the Richmond Tigers, the Melbourne Demons, the Hawthron Hawks, or the St. Kilda Saints. That is right, there are 24 teams (or clubs) in the AFL and 9 of them are from the Melbourne area. If drunken Aussies didn't already have reason enough to start brawls between one another, they certainly do with this sort of tension. Everyone has their own chosen team, and every supporter seems to be a die hard.

For my preferences I still only know a little about each team. I went to a North Melbourne Kangaroos' game. My reasons for going were fairly simple. It fit the time and date I was looking to go to a footy match and because they are among the lowest ranked teams the tickets were cheap (and I got a seat right in the front row, on the field.) However, don't let their current ranking fool you, the fans of the Kangaroos (or 'Kangas' as the locals say), are just as avid as those of the highest ranked teams. None of which are apparently worse than the supporters of Collingwood, as they are by far the most obnoxious fans. I was once almost crushed by a horde of the black and white supporters (known as the Magpie Army) as they fought their way onto a train to get to one of the games. (Basically they are like Philadelphia Eagles fans.) As for my own fame-time experience, there was plenty of cheering, jeering, and flag waving to be seen. I even decided to join in the festivities by having my face painted and supporting the home team as they faced off against the Port Adelaide Power.

The crowd is full or supporters.

For a long time I could not quite get the rules of footy, beyond really the basic concepts of the game, then I discovered the reason why I wasn't getting it, was because I was over-thinking it. I do not want to paint footy as a simplistic game, but its hard not. The gist of it is that it seems to be a mix of soccer, rugby, hot potato, with a little bit of volleyball thrown in... Let me explain.

There are two ends to the field, which is a sort of oval shape. The football is actually shaped pretty similar to an American pigskin football, though it is made of a softer and bouncier material. At each end of the fields there are four goal posts, kind of like Quidditch (as an English friend of mine once remarked.) A ball shot between the center posts is called a "goal" and counts for 6 points. A ball shot between the outside goals is called a "behind," and counts for 1 point. Also if the ball hits one of the posts or is last touched by a defending player (regardless of its position) it counts as 1 point. The ball cannot roll across the goal line, it must be in the air as it goes between the posts. This however can be done in many different ways, mainly through kicking, but it can also be bounced off the ground.

There are 18 men on each side and there are no set positions. The goal is for one team to move the ball down field and score as much points as possible (obviously), however the ball can only be moved in certain ways. A player can run with the ball but every 20-steps, they must bounce the ball on the ground (its like traveling in basketball.) The ball can also be passed to teammates through a variety of means. A player may "handball" the football to a teammate for a quick short pass. (Basically it is the same motion as an underhanded serve in volleyball.) A player cannot throw the ball as that is illegal, however he can kick the ball. When a player kicks the ball it usually is similar to a punt in American football (and quite frankly the NFL should start looking Down Under for punters because these guys have phenomenal power and accuracy when it comes to kicking.) If a player catches a kicked ball it is called a "mark." That means the spot in which the ball is caught is considered marked and the player cannot be touched by anyone on the opposing team. The play may then move backward with the ball, but the minute they advance over the marked the spot they become fair game and may be tackled.

The most common way a defender can stop an offensive player is by tackling them. Tackling in footy is a little counter-intuitive from an American point of view, as in America when there is a tackle or a pile-on, the goal is usually to try and be the person in possession of the ball when it is all over. In Australia, when a tackle occurs the football becomes like a hot potato, and suddenly no body wants to be the person that has it. That is because when you are tackled it is an automatic turnover and you must give the ball to the opposing team. So in a confusion of players piling on top of on another you get a very interesting show of players trying to get rid of the ball before they hit the ground.

As far as strategy, a mark is what all footy players are looking for, as it allows for ball control and game control, especially if you can set up a series of them that results in a mark within scoring position of the goal posts. However, it appears to be easier said then done because as long as the ball is in the air it is fair game, and players can get vicious when fighting for it. Unfortunately though, just this year the AFL enacted some kind of "No Hands on Back" policy which a lot of people are upset about. It is basically the same rule in American football which disallows pass interference, and it resulted in quite a few turnovers and angry crowds at the game I attended.

While observing the game I also noticed quite a few other things which I feel need to be remarked on. First off, the game is started with a jump ball. The referee (or umpire as they call them), will bounce the ball on the ground as high as they can and a player from each team must try to jump for it to gain possession. This is also done after certain penalties. Another oddity is that when the ball goes out of bounds, a referee will take the ball and throw it backwards over their head where the two teams will fight for it. So regardless of who or how it went out of bounds both teams have an equal shot at recovering the ball. This fits in with sort of the Aussie mentality as I have come to know it. The rules, interpretation of the rules, and penalties and rewards of said rules all seem subject to the direct interpretation of the 'umpire' at that time. Thus, it seems like there is no standard system of penalty and each umpire just awards possession and control as they feel the situation warrants it. It can be a fairer system at times, but it also serves to get the crowd pretty riled up as well.

Australian Rules Football in general is a very sort of Australian sport. It is subjective, violent, yet elegantly simplistic. Also, much like Australia itself, it seems to be a game stuck somewhere in the annuls of time, as most changes to the game are often met with disapproval. Australia seems to live by a philosophy of "if it ain't broke don't fix it." (It for reasons of this philosophy that Australia will never vote to become a republic instead of a commonwealth or change its flag to exclude the British Union Jack. They will talk about doing it, but in the end it will not get accomplished,) and I see this very clearly in the uniforms that footy players are forced to wear.

Yeah... Footy is kind of like that, except
there is more trident-usage involved

The footy uniform seems to have remained untouched in design since 1935. Players wear sleeveless uniform tops and shorts which are higher cut than track shorts (if that is even possible). Its like 36 men running around for 80 minutes in 'Daisy Dukes.' Its like if American football players still ran around in stripped shirts and leather helmets. I mean footy players are like Namor the Submariner. (I mean I know you are the king of Atlantis, but its not 1940 anymore. Its the 21st century so stop wearing the speedo and puts some pants on. Nobody want to see that.) You got to learn to change with the times. (I mean, for all his faults, at least Aquaman knew enough to drop the shirtless, bearded, grunge look when the 90's ended.)

Another interesting tidbit that seems to mark the game as being somewhat out-of-step with our current times is that most players playing the game professionally, make only between A$60,000 and A$100,000 a year. And if you think that is bad from an American point of view, you should look at it from the Aussie point of view where everything in this country costs double what is does in the States and minimum wage is over A$15 an hour. Apparently, in Australia it is fairly common that after a footy player's career is over they have to go out and get another job. I personally applaud this as it means they are not overpaid children athletes, like the ones we have in America. Still, I do acknowledge the weirdness of this low paying salary. Can you imagine if you walked into a hardware store and you found Emmitt Smith working behind the counter selling hammers, because he had to find another job after retirement?

All in all though, the game of footy is an interesting one. I found that it had a hard rhythm to get into, as it was not the steady rhythm or a soccer game, or the stop-and-go rhythm of a football game. There were long moments of nothingness and shorts bursts of movement. And to say again, it can get violent, as I quickly became aware of when a fight broke out on the field and the crowd around me started yelling things like: "punch him," "kick him in the footballs," "now this is footy!" Additionally, in a separate incident one player was even carried out on a stretcher as he had his head snapped in the wrong direction. (Thus, I am still wondering if I had I witnessed a death.) However, more to the point it can be a fun and entertaining game to watch, especially with a charged roaring crowd of Aussies around you.

It has also given me a new money making scheme which I think could really become big in this country. Can anyone say "Fantasy Footy?"