A Hairy Quest

nce upon a time, there was young and noble squire. This squire was lean of muscle and quick of mind. He set forth from his home land in search of adventure and soon found himself in a new and strange land known simply as Oz. He lived among the exotic people of that land, gradually adjusting to their odd customs and many dangers. His life continued on for some while as he made his way in this new place, until one day when diaster happened upon him. You see the young squire had a terrible weakness. When his hair grew too long he would be rendered powerless and strengthless. His appearance becoming homely, and his power with the maidens of this new land decreased (which let's face it wasn't that great to begin with). In his native land the squire was able to overcome such weakness only with the help of a man of magic, Frank of Barber, but in this new land he was alone in combating this particularly dreaded evil.

Thus, it came a time when the young squires hair had grown too long and ere he be rendered completely subdued by his fast growing locks, he turned to the wizard, Goo'gul, whose employ he had aquired previously for a rather generous sum of 15 golden pieces delievered for every fortnight of service rendered. It was a steep price but without such services the young squire could not check his book of faces or watch the magical moving pictures of sneezing felines or dramatic chipmunks on YeTube.

So it came to pass that the young squire in his time of need turned to the great wizard, Goo'gul for adivce in this most dire of circumstances. The wizard told the squire of a man possessing magical instruments that could be used to cut the troublesome locks. The wizard directed the squire to the Street of Church where he would find the great man who could aid him. Early the next day our hero set out from his modest house of accomodation and journeyed forth to the Street of Church where he searched lowe and high for many hours, but was unable to find the shop of which the wizard had spoken. Instead, having skipped morning meal, and with a growing thirst, the young squire paid a single gold piece in exchange for a magical orange fruit that was able to restore his flagging strength and quench his undying hunger.

After his failure he returned again to the wizard Goo'gul, his anger overflowing at the treachery of the sorcerer. Goo'gul repented at giving our hero the poor information and endevoured to make right his mistake amended by telling the squire of another magical shop which could help cure him of his ailment. Though still wary of trusting the wizard, the young squire was desperate for help, ere the curls upon his head become too much to bare. So, our hero accepted this new quest, knowing that it would not be an easy one.

The new shop of magic was many leagues from where the squire stood, beyond the High Way of Neapea. The journey would require much walking and great trial, but he set out nonetheless. He did so with haste knowing that soon he would need to venture to the Great Kingdom of Melbourne to commence his lowly job of begging amongst the townsfolk. It was not a job he favored particularly, but one undertaken each day to put food on his table and water in his cup.

So it came to pass that the young squire found himself walking the Road of the South under the hot sun of Oz. Often in his journey, our hero would come across small trading posts and palazas of commerce. Whenever he did he would search them for the like of a man who possessed the magical instruments needed to free him of his chains of hair, but it was as the wizard had foretold. There were no such shops to be found, except beyond the High Way of Neapea. thus he continued, but not without challenge. The road was fraught with many dangers and soon the young squire encountered a great creature. It was black as pitch and fast as the eye. Its horrible wings sent forth a terrible droning noise, like the sound of saw cutting through wood. The creature attacked our hero, relentlessly striking toward his face. The buzzing of its wings was deafening and though the young squires patience and strength were quickly flagging he vanquished the black, winged monster, but not without loss.

During the ferocious battle the magical glasses of the squire had been thrown to the earth and now lay at his feet, broken. This enchanted eyepiece not only dampened the harsh sun of this strange land but gave the young squire great far-sightedness. However our hero was most distrught as they were a gift given to him by the Prince of Silverstein upon the occassion of his marriage to his beloved wife, Kristy of Joy. A sudden anger filled the young squire's breast as he knew he would now need to find an eyesmith to repair his magical glasses ere he go blind or suffer an unforseeable fate due to near-sightedness. This would cost many golden pieces, but our hero suffered this newest annoyance and pressed on with his quest.

Thus, he soon found himself gazing upon the High Way of Neapea. It stood like a huge black river as creatures of steel and exotic plastics soared across it from one end to the next and beyond all seeing. Through the magic of colored lights the squire was able to pass safely over this treacherous river and come at last to his promised destination, but all was for naught.

The squire found that Goo'gul had tricked him again and that the shop he sought was not beyond the High Way of Neapea, but time was short. Thus it was with a heavy heart that the Squire purchased a magical parchment which allowed him entrance to the great silver snake that would tkae him to reach the Kingdom of Melbourne. His quest was over for this day, but the Squire vowed to never give up until he was freed of his accursed locks.

Defeated the young squire arose the next day and set off for the Kingdom of Melbourne, knowing that surely if a man of such magic were to exist it would be within the selpuchre walls of the great land. Thus, his patience and virtue were rewarded, in part. He found many men of the scissors. When he inquired at the first shop, suspiciouly referred to as a Man's Salon fo Beauty, he learned that the price of such aid would be 25 golden pieces. He promptly left. The next shop wanted 30 pieces of gold. Finally after walking the long Street of Sydney, he came upon a kindly old woman of obvious Hellenistic decent. She was alone in her shop and required only 20 golden pieces to free the young squire of his affliction. He aqcuiesced and was relieved of heavy burden that sat upon his head, and recieved a free sample bottle of dandruff fighting conditioner.

Relieved and accomplished in his quest, our young hero returned home, upon a magical tram car of the kingdom. On his way back to his modest house of accomodation he sighted another magical man of the scissors with a sign advertising cutting of hair as only 10 golden pieces fours times per new moon on the days of Mars. With understandable heavy-heartedness the young squire sighed at his typical luck. He did smile though, as he though that when he returned to his house of accomodation, perhaps he would have Goo'gul search for the video of the surprised kitten.