A Grand Slam

The crowd in front of me watching the Men's Grand Slam
Championship of the Australian Open in Federation Square
in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.

So, Sunday rolls around as it usually does at the end of a weekend, but this is no ordinary Sunday. This Sunday, the 30th of January 2011, is the Men's Grand Slam Australian Open Tennis Championship, and being in Melbourne and a mere tram ride away from the tennis venue my roommate, Tony, said he was meeting his girlfriend (and my other roommate), Lina, and several of her friends in Federation Square (The main square of Melbourne and right next to where the Australian Open is being held) to watch the match and he invited me to accompany them. At this point I feel the need to pause and mention that the temperature outside on this day is 40 degrees Celsius, which translates into roughly, 104 degree Fahrenheit. Thus, you could probably understand my reluctance, but I enjoy the company of Tony and Lina, and being that I am in Australia and I made a decision a long time ago to try and embrace every opportunity given to me, I found myself a few hours later on a tram heading toward the architectural oddity known as Federation Square. We met Lina at the train station and all three of us went to a local pub where we had a lot of water. I had the fish of the day (which I am not sure what it was), and it was a good dinner, though I do not know if it was A$20 good. As I have tried to reiterate in the past, this is a very expensive country.

By 7 pm we had taken some of the free (and very uncomfortable) cardboard seats offered by the good people of ANZ bank and found some spots on the baking brick courtyard facing the giant plasma screen TV that adorns Federation Square. Within a short time, Lina's friends arrived and we managed to squeeze them into our small section, and I watched as they had their beer confiscated by security. They were very nice people and during the second set I even had an extended talk with one of them, who is an Indian-Australian banker in Melbourne, about the ideas of globalization, the banking crisis, the Obama administration, and how the regulation of the market is really a joke that allows several very rich people manipulate the system for their own benefits. (Sufficed to say he gave me a lot to think on... and be afraid of)

The game itself seemed interesting enough (though I have never had an undying passion for tennis). There were a lot of people holding British and Scottish flags and with face paint rooting for the player, Murray (who seemed very preoccupied with at yelling at his mother in the stands). A smaller section was waving a Serbian flag and was routing for Djokovic (which I am pretty sure was the name of the bad guy on the last Call of Duty). The game was interesting enough, and thankfully, not too long as Djokovic won it in three straight sets and there was no need to prolong it any further. It is not that I did not enjoy my time there or the game, it was just that I spent 3 to 4 hours sitting on an uncomfortable cardboard seat on a boiling hot brick pavement in 100 degree weather and surrounded by a couple thousand people. The Serbian supporters were very happy, but as for me I got a back cramp and a sunburn, but I can now say I went to the Australian open and watched from the cheap seats. How many people can really say that (well I guess a couple thousand).

The Great Ocean Road

Click the Picture above to access the photo
album for my day on the Great Ocean Road.

So now we come to how I spent my Australian Day. My plan was to spend a quiet day on St. Kilda Beach with a book and some sun, but my friend Lauren (aka Loz) decided that it would be an excellent day to road trip the Great Ocean Road (or at least part of it.) So it came to pass that I found myself sitting in her 1985 light blue Mitsubishi whipping around blind corners over sheer rock faces on the Shipwreck Cost. My anxiety came, not so much from her driving, but from the fact that I had no idea where we were going and because I was sitting in the seat of the car which I normally associate as being the driver's side.

So as we traveled down the wrong (left) side of the road and the view just opened up in front of you. All you could see was beautiful coast line, rolling green hills, and a crazy curvy road cut through it all. We hit several beaches (both rocky and sandy), visited Apollo Bay Beach, saw wild Koala's outside a trailer park near Kennett River, and finished up the day visiting the 12 Apostles, which are huge standing rock formations just off the coast near Princetown. Unfortunately there are no longer 12 structures as many have fallen down over the years, but there still are some standing. I even had my first "Fish and Chips" lunch. Basically you order and assortment of fish such as flounder, calamari, scallops, etc, and fries. It comes all fried and wrapped together in a big thing of paper which you rip open and pick at. It was quite good, but very hot.

All in all it was a beautiful day, and I have never seen water look so blue or a coastline so amazing. Though I miss the Jersey Shore there is no comparison. This is what Australia looks like and I simply cannot describe it in the meandering clumsy way I have with words. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, if you click on the picture of me at the left you should be directed to an album I set up of several pictures I took that day. Look at them for yourself and be your own judge. I promise you that you will not be disappointed.

Australia Day

Australia's national seal. The six sections on the shield
represent the five states and one territory that make up the
nation of Australia, and it is flanked by the country's most
well know and represented animals, the kangaroo and emu.

Every 26th of January the Aussies celebrate a holiday known as Australia Day. It was described to me, by one friend, as a day where we celebrate being Australian. It was also described to me by another friend as a day off of work. I know to many Americans you may equate the celebration of Australia Day with maybe the celebration with Independence Day, with fireworks, barbecues, and traditional flag waving hoopla... The truth is that the holiday seems closer to President's Day in forms of celebration. In other words it is a day to sleep late, watch TV, and maybe get a good deal on a matress. My own celebration of Australia day will be covered in a subsequent blog, but for now, I did some digging into the start of this holiday and it has a very interesting story to tell.

Namely the story of the First Fleet. Australia day commemorates the arrival of the First Fleet (the first ships carrying soldiers and prisoners) to the continent of Australia at Sydney in the year 1788.  The fleet was commanded by Captain Arthur Philip. Approximately 1,000 people were under his care and more than 700 of them were English prisoners. The rest were sailors and royal marines. They were an assorted and curious lot. According to accounts the original settlers included even a boy of 9 and a woman of 82. It was clear they were in trouble from the moment they set ashore... When Australia was discovered in 1770 by Captain James Cook, he wrote accounts that seemed to describe it as a vibrant and bountiful place to rival any English countryside... What Captain Philip and his crew found was sandy soil, harsh conditions, reversed seasons, and animals they had never before encountered. Even worse, the original colonists had almost none of the skills needed to actually cultivate and settle a remote and inhospitable environment. They had only 1 experienced fisherman and only 5 people experienced in construction and building. No one seemed to know how to grow crops or how to hunt the new and strange creatures they found in this land at the bottom of the world. The "Indians" as the original settlers called them, were even more strange. They seemed generally, friendly but had a bewildering tendency to viciously attack settlers for sometimes no discernible reason. 17 people were lost to attacks in the first year and many more wounded, including Governor Captain Philip, who took a spear to the shoulder while he was talking to a native he met along the banks of the river.

Bill Bryson writes, "Everything was against them. They had no waterproof clothes to keep out the rain, no mortar to make buildings, no plows with which to till the fields and no draft animals to pull the plows they didn't have." Worst yet the ground refused to accept any seed or crop planted in it and at the height of starvation half of the settler's herd of cattle wandered off never to be seen again. For years the prisoners and their captors had to do without even the most basic of necessities, blankets, nails, shoes, etc. Development of the colony was further hindered by the need to rely on prisoners, who, for the most part cared only for their own self interest.

Most prisoners learned that they could lie their way into easier labor and my favorite story is about one particular prisoner named Hutchinson. One day he came across a rather complicated and scientific piece of equipment meant for the mixing and infusing of dye into products such as wool. Lying to his captors his convinced them that he was experienced with dyestuffs and spent the next several months making elaborate experiments with beakers, chemicals, scales, etc... until it eventually became clear to his superiors that he had no idea what he was doing. Most prisoners got by by swindling their fellow prisoners, such as selling them land maps to China or products meant to ward off indigenous predators, neither worked and some prisoners where never seen again.

All in all the story of the first fleet is remarkable in the fact that from these 1,000 or so people the sprawling metropolitan modern country of Australia eventually developed. Walking around the streets of Melbourne or Sydney you cannot picture there having ever been a harsh winter or lost cattle. It seems the biggest problem is a spilled cup of cappuccino or being late to catch the bus.

So that is the story of Australia Day. It was originally called Foundation Day or Anniversary Day, and in celebrating the arrival of those first Australians (even though they were still British), we are celebrating the millions of Australians that have followed after them. The story is quintessentially Aussie in nature. It is funny, honest, incredibly endearing, and even a little amazing. This truly is an incredible country.

One of Life's Great Mysteries

A typical Aussie "Loo"

So one of the great mysteries to me and (I know) to many other Americans is What direction does the toilet empty in Australia? It is a question that has plagued our kind since the mid-90's. Even now that I am in a position to answer such a weighty unknown, it has taken me over two, very puzzling, weeks to answer this question, but I think I finally have something. First of all, you need to understand what it took for me to come to this epiphany. Since my arrival, and that first toilet in the Sydney Airport, I have been on a mission to finally learn the truth of the anomaly of the southern hemisphere toilet, but what should have been a surprising simple matter became a lot more complicated.

It all started with my first Australian toilet. It was in the Sydney Airport, and I found need to relieve a certain pressure after 15 hours on a plane over the Pacific Ocean. I cannot even begin to describe the amount of joy and anticipation I had as I reached for the button to flush my first Aussie Loo (toilet). I compressed the button and was dumbfounded to see a powerful cascade of high pressure water spout out over the hole, and suddenly the whole tank of water disappeared without even the hint of a swirling motion... "Okay," I assured myself. "This is just one airport toilet. I am sure there are plenty of swirling toilets in Australia to try." (I mean it is a huge country). My next attempt came at Melbourne Airport, but with similar results. Another high pressure toilet, another lost shot at seeing even an inkling of a swirling motion. Again, I assured myself, "This is a modern airport with modern facilities. Once I get out into Australia proper, I will find a swirling toilet."

My next stop was the hostel, but they too had a high powered toilet with a cascading effect instead of a swirling motion. The same was true for the toilet in the Melbourne Museum, the apartment I am now staying at, the sandwich place on La Trobe Street, the public toilet on Chapel Street, the toilet at the Prahan Shopping Centre, and even the toilet in the gas station near the Victoria Market. In desperation to solve this enigma I have tried several locations throughout Melbourne to no avail. It seems the toilet technology of this city is way beyond anything I have seen in America where we are still stuck in the 1950's with our centrifugal aquatic technology.

Finally, my search came to an end yesterday when I was doing the dishes in my new flat. I had made pasta and I put my bowl over the drain of the sink. The bowl made a seal which held the water in the sink until I was done doing my dishes. I was blissfully unaware of this until I removed the bowl and watched in amazement as the water swirled its way down the drain. It was a beautiful sight, and I shed a tear as I watched the water drain in a perfect circular motion. I can now stand before you, my fellow Americans, and proudly claim that in Australia the water spins counter-clockwise.

Everybody Needs a Little Change

The money currently found in my wallet/pocket. There is a
20 dollar and 50 dollar note, and A$6.80 woth of of coins.

So let's talk about money, more exact, let's talk about Australian money. As the current exchange rate stands, the Aussies dollar is about equal with the American dollar. Great for Aussies, not as great for me. Mostly because this is a very expensive country to live in. A bottle of Coke costs A$3.30 in some places. I treated myself to a Slurpee at a 7-11 the other day (7-11's are everywhere and no one has ever heard of a Wa Wa), and it cost A$2.80... and I didn't get the ridiculously huge sized clear plastic cup ones either. Those were upwards of A$3.50. I got the tall thin paper cup kind. It is very expensive over here, but that is not what this blog is really about.
Aussie money is a bit funny... excuse the rhyme... What I mean to say is that it should be straightforward, as the amounts of each bill and coin are clearly written on them, but growing up in America I am finding the whole system a bit counter-intuitive. Their "paper" money or notes are actually plastic. Apparently you cannot rip them in half. They are smaller than American money, more colorful, and have transparent windows in the bottom right corner. They have pictures of people like Queen Victoria, Mary Reibey (an English convict and Sydney businesswoman), and David Unaipon (who is known as the Australian Da Vinci, and invented the basic concepts used in today's modern sheep shearing machine.) Aussie dollars come in denominations of 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100. However, as the observant American can probably see, there is no 1 dollar note listed. Now we get into my real confusions I have with the money of this great country.

The real problem of the whole system to me, is the coinage. Unlike American coins, Aussie coins are actually worth something. There are silver coins which run in denominations of 5, 10, 20, and 50 cents. In Australia there is no such thing as a penny. These "silver" coins are often large and clunky. In fact, the 50 cent coin is so big it could probably be uses as a makeshift throwing star if you were ever in a pinch and found yourself needing to do combat with a band of ninjas. Next, we come to the gold coins. There are 1 dollar coins and 2 dollar coins. They are much smaller than their silver brethren and are commonly given as change to every purchase. This is the real taxing part of the whole endeavour. When I come home at night I cannot simply put my spare change aside in a jar or other receptacle to accumulate till I have enough to exchange it for valuable dollar bills. No, now I must take my change which me (regardless of how bulky, heavy, and noisy it is in my pocket) because I might actually need to spend them. It is an amazing concept to me that coins are actually used as currency and not just for being thrown in the odd fountain here or there. Worst yet, it seems like the more valuable a coin is the smaller it gets. The 2 dollar coins are roughly only a little bigger than a dime. It seems to be a system that is designed to bolster the pants and sewing industry, because if you have a rip in your packet you could loose hundreds of dollars a day.

Regardless, it has taken a lot to get used to, both in concept and in practical use. It is not a bad system, it is just a system that seems to favor the use of a purse over a wallet. As a man it is not always easy to find a place to store the scores and scores of change I am accumulating with every purchase. I am starting to feel like a cow with a bell around my neck. Maybe that is how the country keeps track of it foreigners... through the sound of jingling change... I guess when you think about it, it beat wiretapping.

Back to the Future

When talking time zones, Australia is ahead of the US Eastern Coast by 16 hours, yet there is an overarching feeling, when you come to Australia, that you have somehow managed to step back in time. All in all, I would say the entire country seems to be in the grips of the early 1990's. Walking down the streets of Melbourne, more often than not, you can spot someone with a grunge punk haircut, pink died hair, sleeveless bleached shirts, a sports jacket and slacks paired with white sneakers, large sunglasses and a fedora, almost anything. Sometimes I expect to see someone walking by me with a huge boombox on their shoulder. Yesterday, I even saw a man with a "Flock of Seagulls" haircut while on the tram. (Hey, you like Flock of Seagulls... No, but I see you do). Yet, its more than just the dress of some people. It is a feeling that things are just a bit slower here. People are not rushing around as much. They are not fighting their way from one point in life to another. In a lot of ways it is relaxing. You don't see huge American SUV's or Trucks everywhere you look. In fact, it is not unusually to see old European style cars or vans. There are not as many huge department stores around. I have not once seen a Borders or a Barnes and Nobles, but I have found a lot of little picturesque book shops around. There are less brand names and more personalized businesses. There is a coffee shop on most corners, but they are not usually Starbucks.

I have also come to the understanding (from what little Aussie TV I do watch) that the entire country is about a half of season or a season behind America. Shows that have been playing in America since last September are just premiering over here. To compound the problem we seem to be exporting some of our worst TV shows to Australia. Shows, which I never heard of like "The Middle" (Which stars the janitor from Scrubs and the wife from Everybody Loves Raymond), or "Brothers and Sisters," (which has Callista Flockhart). We need to get shows out here like "Psych." Additionally, movie release dates seem to be at least a month or more behind the USA. That awful "Yogi Bear" movie just came out, and all I have been seeing is posters for it everywhere. I thought I was done with all that and here it comes back to haunt me. "The Green Hornet" does not come out till next weekend. (which I am excited to check out).

Also Aussie technology seems to be behind in certain areas. WiFi, for instance, which is so plentiful in America seems a scarce commodity (at least to me). In the Hostel I had to pay A$1.00 for 15 minutes. I have since moved into a "flat" that is without wireless and I had to purchase a USB modem that has an antenna attached to it. The modem an 20 days of Internet cost me around A$50. However, it is slow and reminds me slightly of the days of AOL dial up. At least it is cheaper than hostel wireless. There are certain cafes and restaurants that offer free wireless, most notably McDonald's (as weird as that is), but for an American on a budget my time online has been severely lacking in the past few weeks. My phone has downgraded as well. I went from a beautiful and very useful Verizon Droid phone to a Nokia that boasts the wonderful new innovation of a color screen. Of course, I have seen smart phones and even iPads (bleh) so I know they exist in this country, but my technology has been noticeably reduced. (And if I ever needed a smart phone with GPS it is when trying to navigate the streets and trams of Melbourne.) I am not trying to be down on Australia, actually I quite love this country and my lack of technology is helping me return to a simpler time. I am finding more peace as I am forced to read a book instead of watch YouTube, or when I have to rely on my wits and navigational sense, instead of an electronic GPS. So until I find a Delorean back home, I must learn to adapt to my new low-tech existence, but as frustrating as it can be sometimes, I am starting to enjoy the peace that comes with it.

Look Daddy a Rhinosaurus

So I spent my day at the Melbourne Museum. Say what you will, but it was only 8 bucks to get in and I saw a lot of interesting things. I learned about dinosaurs, and minerals, and even about the human body. Mostly I spent a lot of time in the Australian history wing.

Phar Lap in the flesh (sort of speak).

I found a lot of interesting tidbits specifically in the Melbourne history section. Melbourne was founded by John Batman in 1835, who settled a treaty with the Aboriginals that secured him 600,000 acres of land. Of course that treaty was conveniently voided by Australian government later, but that’s another story. It was named by Governor Richard Bourke in 1837, in honor of William Lamb, the 2nd Viscount Melbourne. Melbourne was officially declared a city by Queen Victoria in 1847. In 1851, it became the capital city of the newly created colony of Victoria. During the Victorian gold rush of the 1850s, it was transformed into one of the world's largest and wealthiest cities. After the Federation of Australia in 1901, it then served as the interim seat of government of the newly created nation of Australia until 1927. Today it is the capital of the Australian Arts movement. It consists mostly of cafes, bistros, and car dealerships. It is where the Australian Movie Industry started, and they seem oddly proud of the fact that the movie Ghost Rider was filmed in and around Melbourne. Sufficed to say there is a lot of history here.

The museum had a rather large and interesting display set out on a horse named Phar Lap. This horse is one of Australia's biggest heroes (I'm not kidding). You must first understand that horse racing is a big sport in Australia, especially around Melbourne. During the great depression this horse was the hope of the entire nation. "Between September 1929 and November 1931, the champion ran 41 races, winning 35 of them and becoming Australia's first sporting superstar." (That is an excerpt from the plaque near Phar Lap's case) The horse itself died in South America while competing in an international horse race. It was poisoned by arsenic. Poor Australia, they finally get a sporting superstar and it is brutally killed at the height of its career. The country was of course crushed, with people openly weeping on the streets when they heard the news. So in memory of Phar Lap, they removed his skeleton, his vital organs, preserved everything, and stuffed the hell out of him. Now he is sitting in a glass case in the Melbourne Museum. I actually think this is a great idea. I'm now of the mind that we should dig up Babe Ruth and Johnny Unitas and see if we can put some sawdust and stuffing in them.

All kidding aside the museum was very informative. My favorite story comes from the 1966 visit of Lyndon B. Johnson to Melbourne. I watched the original footage and it was just thousands upon thousands of Aussies waving American flags. I am sure Johnson liked it. God knows he never got that kind of reception in America. (Truthfully it made me a little homesick.) LBJ was in town to thank Australia for their support in sending troops to Vietnam. As you can imagine, not everyone was too thrilled about that. I am just going to quote my favorite part of the plaque at the exhibit. "During his visit to South Yarra, the President's limousine was pelted with red and green paint by anti-war protestors... The protestors were charged, and... apologetically wrote to Johnson that they had been 'excited to a fever pitch by your presence and the consequent air of exaltation and triumph.'" I love Australia, because they are some of the nicest people you can meet. I mean even their anti-war protestors write apology letters. Again, I am sure that’s more than LBJ ever got back home. So once again, and I'm sure not for the last I marvel at this odd and wondrous country where they apologize for protesting and idolize horses.