One of Life's Great Mysteries

A typical Aussie "Loo"

So one of the great mysteries to me and (I know) to many other Americans is What direction does the toilet empty in Australia? It is a question that has plagued our kind since the mid-90's. Even now that I am in a position to answer such a weighty unknown, it has taken me over two, very puzzling, weeks to answer this question, but I think I finally have something. First of all, you need to understand what it took for me to come to this epiphany. Since my arrival, and that first toilet in the Sydney Airport, I have been on a mission to finally learn the truth of the anomaly of the southern hemisphere toilet, but what should have been a surprising simple matter became a lot more complicated.

It all started with my first Australian toilet. It was in the Sydney Airport, and I found need to relieve a certain pressure after 15 hours on a plane over the Pacific Ocean. I cannot even begin to describe the amount of joy and anticipation I had as I reached for the button to flush my first Aussie Loo (toilet). I compressed the button and was dumbfounded to see a powerful cascade of high pressure water spout out over the hole, and suddenly the whole tank of water disappeared without even the hint of a swirling motion... "Okay," I assured myself. "This is just one airport toilet. I am sure there are plenty of swirling toilets in Australia to try." (I mean it is a huge country). My next attempt came at Melbourne Airport, but with similar results. Another high pressure toilet, another lost shot at seeing even an inkling of a swirling motion. Again, I assured myself, "This is a modern airport with modern facilities. Once I get out into Australia proper, I will find a swirling toilet."

My next stop was the hostel, but they too had a high powered toilet with a cascading effect instead of a swirling motion. The same was true for the toilet in the Melbourne Museum, the apartment I am now staying at, the sandwich place on La Trobe Street, the public toilet on Chapel Street, the toilet at the Prahan Shopping Centre, and even the toilet in the gas station near the Victoria Market. In desperation to solve this enigma I have tried several locations throughout Melbourne to no avail. It seems the toilet technology of this city is way beyond anything I have seen in America where we are still stuck in the 1950's with our centrifugal aquatic technology.

Finally, my search came to an end yesterday when I was doing the dishes in my new flat. I had made pasta and I put my bowl over the drain of the sink. The bowl made a seal which held the water in the sink until I was done doing my dishes. I was blissfully unaware of this until I removed the bowl and watched in amazement as the water swirled its way down the drain. It was a beautiful sight, and I shed a tear as I watched the water drain in a perfect circular motion. I can now stand before you, my fellow Americans, and proudly claim that in Australia the water spins counter-clockwise.