Safety First

During my long flight I was reviewing the safety manual given to all passengers. I cannot speak for all my fellow passangers but I found some of the pictures to be not as universal as maybe the authors originally intended.

On some aircraft: you may be killed in a horrible watery crash...

Note: The floor may become slightly radioactive.

No cigarettes, no briefcase, no shoes, no service...

In my opinion, this is just kind of suggestive.

First try to use your laser vision to break open the window.

Remember, when hiding the key to lift the mat first.

In case of the plane diving head first into the ground, your dead. In case of the plane diving head first into the water, your still probably dead



Do not sit. Do squat thrusts.

No lighters, no cellphones or AM/FM radios made before 1985, and most importantly no remote-controled cars. I can only imagine the chaos that must have ensued on flights before the "no remote-controled cars" rule was enacted. Curiously though, the use of remote-controlled helicopters is perfectly fine.

When floating in the middle of the ocean with nothing but a life-vest, only a bright-idea will probably save you.