ANZAC Day

Members of the Australian Armed Forces

If there is one thing I have noticed about Australians it is that they are never quite certain what to do with holidays when they have them. Australia Day was celebrated more akin to President's Day than it was to the Fourth of July, and even Easter passed us by with only the slightest of notice given to it by the locals. However, I think I have discovered a holiday that the Aussies do seem to actually celebrate with all the pomp and ceremony an American may expect, ANZAC Day.

Taking place every April 25 (which this year just so happened to be the day after Easter), ANZAC Day commemorates the sacrifice of the ANZAC (Australian New Zealand Army Corp) forces at the battle of Gallipoli at the outset of World War I. The battle was planned as a bold strike to knock the Ottoman Empire out of the war, but the plan proved too bold. The battle quickly turned into a stalemate that dragged on for eight months (because in WWI eight months was what you called a single battle.) At the end of 1915, the Allied forces were finally evacuated after both sides had suffered heavy casualties and endured great hardships. The Allied casualties included 21,255 from the UK, an estimated 10,000 dead soldiers from France, 8,709 from Australia, 2,721 from New Zealand, and 1,358 from British India.

Overall in those days, Australia had a population of fewer than five million. Of that population 416, 809 Australians enlisted for service in the First World War, (representing 38.7% of the total male population aged between 18 to 44,) and over 60,000 were killed. That means that the Australian casualty rate (proportionate to total embarkations) was 65%. That was the highest of any country who participated in the Great War. There was not a town, city, or small Aussie farming station that did not lose someone to the trenches of Europe. This high casualty rate is due mostly to the fact that the British seemed to have a propensity for putting Aussie troops at the front lines of most major conflicts. It almost seemed like England had a strategy that called for their own troops to hide behind the Australians.

However, all mustard gas clouds have their silver-linings, for as the tragedies of World War I and specifically the hardships of the Gallipoli Campaign gave the Australian people a new sense of national identity. As their sons, brothers, and fathers fought desperately against the Kaiser and his troops, the people at home found a new pride in what it meant to be Australian. They no longer began to see themselves as British, or as subjects of the Empire. Instead they came to understand that they were in fact something different and apart from the Brits. This national identity only strengthen during World War II, specifically when Winston Churchill ordered the 6th and 7th Australian divisions to reinforce British troops in Burma, even though Australia itself was under direct threat from the Japanese Navy. The Aussies refused and instead diverted their forces back to Australia to help in the protection of their own country. It was also during World War II that Australia and America strengthened our ties as the Australian forces fought and died side by side with members of the United States Navy and Marine Corp.

War memorials were erected all over Australia at the end of World War I, and during World War II, ANZAC day became a day of remembrance for all Australian soldiers (diggers as they are commonly called) who fought and died for Australia. Much like Memorial Day in the States it is celebrated by memorials and even a parade. There is a dawn service at 6:30 AM which is widely attended and which commemorates the dawn invasion of Gallipoli. The day also represents something more as well. it represents the forging of a national identity for Australia, and maybe that is also why this day has become so important to so many.

The Melbourne War Memorial

Unfortunately, I was not able to get up myself for the dawn service, but I was able to attend the later 1 PM memorial service at the War Memorial in Melbourne. Hundreds of Australians and veterans were gathered to pay tribute to the men and women of Australia who had died and were still fighting. It was nice to see. As in my experience, I have never known the Aussies to be highly motivated for the celebrating of holidays, but this was different. I found myself being asked by even the most lethargic of Australians if I was going to go to the war memorial and there was a feel about the day that told me it was more than just a day off of work. ANZAC day seems to be one of the most important holidays in the Australian calendar, even overshadowing the previous day's holiday of Easter.

The service itself was what you might expect. There were speeches by veterans and politicians alike. I thoroughly enjoyed the pomp and circumstance of the military honor guards and the troops ceremonially guarding the war memorial. I was even treated to a rendition of not only the Australian National Anthem, but the New Zealand National Anthem (as the NZ in ANZAC is for New Zealand.) I left the ceremony with a sense of pride and understanding of our Australian cousins and how lucky we are to have had them as allies, not only during the Great War but side-by-side with our fighting men and women today in places like Iraq and Afghanistan.

Lastly, I of course thought of my own friends who were serving not just America but all the people of the free world by their service in the US Armed Forces. There is one in particular who I was thinking of on that day and I also found myself very thankful for his safe return from Afghanistan. He knows who is, and he knows how glad all his friends are that he is back home. All in all, it was another memorable day in Australia.

It's the Easter Kangaroo, Charlie Brown

Australia is overrun with rabbits... If only they
were all made of chocolate.

Well it is Easter, a time when we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus as a rabbit that lays chocolate eggs. (Both the Pope and Darwin are rolling in their graves.) So in celebration of this time, I decided to get myself some religion, which turned out was harder than you might think in Australia. There is a phenomenon in Australia that has been gaining increasing popularity over the past decade, and that is the growing rejection of religion in Australia.

Now I am not going to sit here and claim that the Aussies are all atheists, but according to the 2006 Australian census, 29.9%  of Australians claimed they had no religion, or refused to identify their religious beliefs altogether, (and, perhaps more importantly, 70,000 Aussies (.37%) claimed their religion as Jedi.) These numbers show a 3.2% growth from the 2001 Australian census. According to a 2005 study conducted by Cambridge University, Australia is ranked as having the 25th highest population of atheists in the world (roughly 5 million people). By contrast only 14.1% of Americans claim no-religion, (though keep in mind that most other countries have this belief that America is an overly religious country with a fervor on par with some Islamic nations. Which is even more ironic when you think that we are one of the only countries with laws expressly separating church and state.) More startlingly, the Australian Prime Minster, Julia Gillard, has publicly proclaimed that she has no religion. In America, this sort of admission by a President would be scandalous. In Australia, it is more likely the populace will be shocked by the way their PM pronounces the word "religion," than by her claiming that she doesn't follow one. (They all hate her accent.)

I am also compelled to point out one more thing: I knew none of this when I set out on Easter Sunday to find myself a little hymnal goodness. I am the first to admit that my religious beliefs are my own and perhaps not what you would call mainstream, but that is neither here nor there. In an attempt to make the day memorable and for fear of being haunted by the ghost of my beloved grandmother, I made the decision that I would attend church like a good little boy on Sunday morning. I found a Presbyterian church right in the heart of the neighborhood I am currently living in and woke up bright and early so I could walk 30 minutes to attend the 10 am service. I showered and even dressed in my best collared shirt and tie (I mean my only collared shirt and tie), and made my way to St. Cuthberts Presbyterian Church or Brighton Beach.

I arrived 15 minutes early and found myself in front of a beautiful Gothic-like cathedral. Since I forgot my camera, you will have to be satisfied with my description. It was a quiet stunning and impressive building complete with stained glass windows depicting the usual sort of Christian scenes (Jesus watching over lambs, Adam and Eve in the garden, Indiana Jones opening the Arc of the Covenant, etc.) The real shock was that it was 9:45 and there was one car in the parking lot. Immediately, my own curiosity was piqued. I mean its Easter Sunday. In America, its one of the only days that people actually feel guilt ridden enough to go to church, and here I was faced with a parking lot filled to the brim with a single car.

However, I thought to myself, Melbourne is a very transit oriented town and maybe most people arrive by bus. This was my hope anyway, as my original plan more or less called for me to sneak into a packed church, sit quietly in the back, and slip out unnoticed at the end of the service. But the best laid plans of mice and men... I suppose. Upon entering I found exactly seven people, including the minister and the piano player. I was (unsurprisingly) the youngest person in the church by at least 50 years, and more alarmingly I found myself being rushed by all the other members in attendance.

You would have thought that Bob Hope came back from the grave and walked through the door the way these people were coming at me. The congregation's interest was doubled when they discovered that not only was I currently not drawing a pension, but that I was American. I was quickly passed around and introduced to people with names such as Dorothy, Milton, Willard, and Mildred. I was even personally greeted by the minister, Graeme Webber. I, of course took, all this in stride and did my to talk and engage everyone I met. I was treated to several interesting stories about hip replacements and I was given a seat of honor in the third row.

The pews in the church were rigid wooden benches, that only had (what appeared to be) hand-crafted throw pillows, which one could place under them, like those cushions they make for people to sit on when at baseball or football games. I grabbed a pink and yellow one and settled in for a sermon I never would have expected.

Again, I feel obligated to give you my expectations versus the reality. I have attended many Easter day sermons, and what I was expecting was the usual sort of mundane sermon concerning the story of Easter followed maybe by a few remarks about the greatness of the resurrection and its importance in the sacrifice made to grant mortals eternal life in heaven, etc... etc... etc... What I got was the kind of fire and brimstone sermon that I thought died out with frocks and corsets. I was expecting the Easter bunny and what I given the hounds of hell. (However, it was the most entertaining sermon I have ever sat through.)

Apparently, the minister fashions himself as a Biblical traditionalist. In other words, every single word in the Bible must be interpreted as the absolute unmistakable word of God, even the typos and parts that contradict the other parts. Now, in a growing atheistic culture like Australia, you can imagine how such a traditionalist might have some problems with the growing statistics I offered at the beginning of the blog. So the sermon pretty much turned into one big tirade against the national push to take Jesus and the Resurrection out of everyday life. He told us stories where he presided over funerals and was not once allowed to mention anything about eternal life or even heaven. He railed against the government for having a debate about taking the teaching of religion out of schools (because they still do that here.) He derided the population of Australia for considering Easter as nothing more than a holiday that gets you a day off of work and being more concerned with chocolate bunnies than the word of God. Then he really got into it and basically told us how Science was a tool that was being used to kill the faith of all believers. (The rain doesn't fall because of precipitaion, dammit, it falls because God said so.) I tell you, I didn't really agree with a lot of his points, but I didn't fall asleep either.

Even better, I was invited for Sunday tea after the service (which I happily accepted,) and I had a chance to engage the minister in a theological discussion on some of his more hard-line points. I did this hesitantly at first, as he seemed pretty adamant about them, but he was more than happy to hear my American perspective on things (after all, he is Aussie and they are the nicest people behind maybe the Canadians.) He told me how mainly he believed that religion was disappearing rapidly in Australian culture (and he seems to be right.) Unlike in America where we all just sort of pay lip-service to our religious ideas (even if we don't fully believe,) Australians have stopped doing even that. He gave me a few stories of when he gave a eulogy at a funeral and mentioned God, resurrection, eternal life, etc, and was actually approached by the family afterwards and told that what he said was offensive to them. I found that shocking, because at home those are the basic lines I would expect to hear at a funeral, almost without fail. (You always say things like, "he's in a better place," or "I'm sure he's looking down on us right now," etc)

My theological discussion really came to a crescendo when my new friend told me how the influx of Muslims, Chinese, and other non-Christian immigrants to Australia were being sent to the continent to test the Christian faith. He believed that all these non-believers were God's way of forcing Australian Christians to strengthen their own faith by rejecting the heathen views of outsiders. I of course nodded, and sipped my tea, not sure on what to say. After we moved passed that he gave me some great ideas on scenic places he recommended I visit while in the northern parts of Australia, and other travel tips and places to stay. When we were done, I thanked him thoroughly for a great sermon and for the tea. I bid farewell to all my new (old) friends and set about my 30 minute walk back to my home.

It seems like there is never a dull moment in Australia. Even the things I think will be the most boring and standard experiences can surprise me. For instance, I originally intended to write this blog more on the fact that Cadbury Creme Eggs cost A$1.89 in Australia as opposed to $0.68 back home, but that fell apart the minute I was treated to an 1880's style sermon amidst an empty church, while sitting on a crocheted pillow. As for the rest, I did spend the remainder of my day eating a dark chocolate bunny, some Cadbury eggs, and I had dinner with a friend in the city. So, though, I missed home and my family, I could not have thought of a better or more interesting way to spend my holiday in this strange and amazing land.

Hokey Pokie

The Crown Casino, Melbourne Australia
(Ignore the crane in the picture. It seems like
Melbourne is always under construction) 

So owing to the fact that it appears several of my friends have found their way to Vegas over the past week I decided to have my own little night of gambling and debauchery and check out the Crown Casino, right here in the heart of Melbourne. Gambling is a serious industry in Australia, (and a bit of a problem.) The activity is not limited to specific locations like it is in America, but is instead legal throughout the country. You can find betting establishments and even the Aussie version of slot machines (pokies) in most bars or hotels.

Australians are some of the world's biggest gamblers. The country has less than 1% of the planet's population but more than 21% of the planet's slot machines. In 2004-2005, roughly 142 billion Australian dollars was gambled in this country. That is A$6400 per Australian citizen, and 72% of that is gambled on pokies (slot machines.) Gambling has become a problem to many in Australia where pokie machines are so readily available. There are signs all over the casino warning people to remain in control, but they seem a little lack luster. After all the Government takes a taxed percentage of all the money made by Aussie gambling.

I decided to launch myself into this world of glitz and golden coins by spending a night at the Crown Casino, which is the biggest casino/hotel in Melbourne. The first thing I noticed was that the building is a huge multi-leveled complex complete with miles of gaming floors, overpriced shops, and restaurants. It was Vegas in almost every respect (okay maybe Atlantic City.) I got myself all dressed up and set my limit for the night at 20 dollars (big spender.) I entered into the casino and very quickly went about "casing" the joint, biding my time and looking for that one big score that was going to win it all for me.

Interior of the Crown, leading to the gaming floor.

The casino offered sports and race betting, electronic poker, black jacks, craps, roulette, and of course pokies, all for the players enjoyment. As I walked around I had hoped to find a black jack table that had a minimum A$5 bet, but I couldn't find one lower than A$15. So I continued my search through the dazzling and glittering landscape, and after 15 minutes I found what I was looking for. Part of my intention was to place a bet on one of Australia's famed pokie machines and like a sign from heaven I found one that was calling my name. Sitting all alone in a forgotten corner, I found a pokie machine named "The Bald Eagle."

I was drawn to it. I sat down on the cushioned stool convinced that fate had placed me in front of the only machine bearing the national symbol of my home land. I took out a 5 dollar bill and inserted it into the machine. My goal was to make the 5 dollars last as long as possible and possibly get a free drink or two from a passing waitress. (Anyone who has visited Atlantic City with me will immediately understand my aims.) So I inserted my money and stopped dead. The buttons on the machine were not like a regular slot machine. They were confusing and oddly generalized. The three main buttons were labeled as "Play," "Bet," and "Collect." Well I only wanted to bet the minimum and I had nothing to collect so by process of elimination I pressed the "Play" button. The machine hummed to life and I watched as the dials spun and landed on a confusing collection of pictures that resulted in a loss. No matter, I thought, I will just spin again, but I suddenly realized I was out of credits. Somehow, I had managed to bet all 5 dollars in one loosing spin.

I got up from my seat dejected and a little afraid to continue sitting near the machine (lest a mechanical arm reach out and grab my wallet.) Thus, I learned a few hard lessons about pokies and Australian gambling. Firstly, passing wiaters in Aussie casinos do not give gamblers free alcohol while gambling as they do in America. Secondly, pokies are confusing and it is extremely easy to lose a lot of money in one spin, (especially if you don't know what your doing.) Since they are not like regular slot machines where you can have a minimum bet of 1 cent, pokies have become part of the gambling problems of Australia. According to a report filed by Australia's Productivity Commission, "machines available in Australia are 'high-intensity' compared to other countries—they are faster and take larger bets. It is possible to stake $100 on a single push on some machines, and the average loss rate per hour is $720, compared with $156 for New Zealand, $130 for the UK, $52 for Japan and $705 for the United States."

Reminds me of Atlantic City

So disheartened by losing a quarter of my alloted money in under 3 seconds I continued my wandering and eventually came to one of the casino's many lounges. It was populated by middle-aged patrons watching "footy" on the TV screen and listening to two lounge singers belting out American country western tunes. I made the decision that if I was going to lose my money I might as well get something for it, so I bought a small 4 dollar drink and spent the next half hour nursing it while feigning interest in the game and tapping my toe to the hits of Shania Twain and Jewel.

After my brief intermission I returned to the gaming floor determined to try again. This time I found another pokie machine and inserted a single dollar coin. I made sure to make the minimum bet each time (2 cents), and I spent the next 3 minutes losing my money slowly. In the end the result was the same, but at least I felt more satisfied. Finally to end the night, I decided to go all or nothing. I took my last remaining 10 dollars and walked up to the roulette table. I boldly exchanged the note for chips and slapped the full amount down on black (Always bet on Black. Wesley Snipes taught me that.) I watched the little ball spin circles around the wheel until it landed, 2-Black. I won and doubled my money. I hesitated for a second and debated letting it ride, but instead I took my winnings and walked away.

I left the casino floor satisfied. I had not won anything but I had not lost anything either. My final daring bet on the roulette table had allowed me to break even for the night and I left richer with the first-hand knowledge of Australian casinos. However, the Crown Casino was not done with me yet, for as I walking out I found myself in the overpriced food court and attracted by the aroma of Chinese food. I decided to spent my 10 dollar winnings on a plate of pork fried rice and honey chicken (the closest thing I have found to General Tso's in the country. It is sweet, but it has no spicy kick to it).


My night's winnings.

Thus, I ended my night with a smile and fried rice. Anyone who knows me, knows I am not much of a gambler, and the Crown Casino is not a place I plan on returning to. However, for one night's diversion it was certainly an entertaining time. I found myself going through the full range of emotions during my stay. I experienced everything from depression to joy to country music, and I ended my night how one should, with a plate of questionably cooked Chinese food. Because, in the end, I would rather gamble on the quality of my pork fried rice than on the spin of a complicated machine I barely understand.

There's Gold in Dem Dar Hills

Sovereign Hill Open-Air Museum

In 1851 the Englishman, Edward Harmmond Hargraves, struck gold near Bathurst in New South Wales Australia. This extraordinary find sent a spark among all Australians, convict and freeman. Within months more gold was being discovered all over New South Wales and Victoria, and the Australian Gold Rush officially began. Swept up by this fervor farmers, carpenters, even police, and people of all walks of life abandoned those lives and set out for the gold fields to claim their share of the riches. It was during this time that towns like Sovereign Hill were established in places like Ballarat (Bal-a-rat), and it was here that I spent my Sunday.

Sovereign Hill no longer has any gold to be found, but now mines for a new type of wealth, tourists. To this end, a historic gold rush-era recreation town was built, complete with historic buildings, mine tours, and actors in period costume. I spent my day walking among the western style town escorted by my favorite Aussie native, Lauren. We watched a musket demonstration, took a tour of one of the mines, went on a carriage ride, panned for gold, visited the candy shop (or lolly shop as they call it over here), and even had bland coffee and bad chicken at the overpriced cafeteria.

The story of the gold fields itself is an interesting one, as Sovereign Hill produced some of the largest gold finds ever in the history of the world. Among those discoveries was that of the Welcome Nugget, weighing 137.2 pounds and (with inflation) would currently have been worth $700,000. It was found by a group of 22 Cornish Miners. I also found it interesting that the gold fields were policed mostly by convicts, because the original properly trained police force quit to try their hand at mining. As to be expected, putting convicts in charge of policing gold fields did not turn out for the best, and they were disbanded after only a year for "massive corruption." The town itself reminded me much of an old western town, and seemed like the kind of place you would take your 5th grade class on a school trip, (which was perfect for me, because I have the maturity of a 5th grader.) I had a lot of fun learning about this historic period in Australian history, and the changes it had on Australia as a whole.

Paning for Gold. I needed to money to pay for
dinner.

Most importantly the discovery of gold was one of the major factors that stopped the transportation of prisoners from England (as going to Australia where one could strike it rich in gold was no longer deemed a worthy punishment), and because of many of the towns established during the gold rush-era, Victoria became more populated and would later be given statehood. Additionally, it sparked Australia's first and only form of organized resistance against the British Government.

We come now to the history I have been quite interested in for some time, the story of the Eureka Rebellion. I do wish I had more for you, but the Eureka Historical Center was closed for some reason, but I did see the "Blood on the Southern Cross" light show reenactment (after a delicious dinner of the Aussie favorite, lamb.) The light show was a bit overpriced but was entertaining. We sat in a theater like room that gazed out over a recreation of the gold mine fields and through the use of lights, fire, voice overs, and sound effects recreated the events of the Eureka Rebellion before our very eyes.

The story was not quite what I expected as it really started as a dispute between the miners and the commissioner of the camp, Robert Rede. It all started with the murder of a Scottish miner, James Scobie. He was killed by the wealthy and influential owner of the Eureka Hotel, James Bently, who was acquitted of the crime even though there were several eyewitnesses. With the miners already agitated by the laws regarding mining licenses, this event pushed them over the edge and ten days later they burned down the Eureka Hotel. In response the authorities arrested three miners in connection with the riot and sentenced them to jail time for "riotous behaviour."

When another seven miners were arrested in connection with the burning of the Eureka Hotel, nearly 10,000 miners met under the direction of Bill Smith, Henry Holyoake, George Black, and Henry Ross. They formed the Ballarat Reform League on November 11, 1854. This meeting was conducted by majority vote and among many of the things it established, "that it is the inalienable right of every citizen to have a voice in making the laws he is called on to obey, that taxation without representation (sounds familiar) is tyranny," and that if the situation did not improve the league planned to secede from the United Kingdom. (As you can imagine I was quite excited at this point, as I love a good rebellion.)

Over the next weeks, the representatives of the Reform League negotiated with the authorities and Commissioner Rede to try and resolve the grievances of the miners peacefully, but Rede (who believed that the miners were nothing more than rabble being stirred up by a few disruptive Irish and Americans) did not take the negotiations serious and further angered the league through his obstinacy. Instead of negotiation he increased the number of police in the camp and called for military reinforcements from Melbourne. Thus, on November 28, 1854 the Redcoat reinforcements marching up from Melbourne were attacked by armed miners with the intents of capturing the cannon they mistakenly believed that the military caravan was carrying. The next day, approximately 12,000 diggers met to burn their mining licenses in defiance of the government.

Flag of the Southern Cross

Commissioner Rede responded by ordering police to arrest anyone who no longer had a proper license. Eight miners were arrested, but by the end of the day military reinforcements had to be called in to save the arresting officers from the angry mob that had formed. The Ballarat Reform League changed its stance from peaceful negations and resolved that open conflict was inevitable. Peter Lalor was elected to the head of the league and given command over the fledgling military brigades that were formed. Training began and on December 1, 1854. The British Flag was taken down and in its place was raised a blue and white-cross flag, known as the Flag of the Southern Cross. It was designed by one of the newly appointed officers, a Canadian, Henry Ross. As it was raised all the diggers knelt and led by Peter Lalor they swore the oath, "We swear by the Southern Cross to stand truly by each other and fight to defend our rights and liberties." It was the first oath sworn on Australian soil to any flag that wasn't the Union Jack and it meant that there was no turning back.

A rough stockade was erected around the camp and it was christened the Eureka Stockade. Training for the Army of the Southern Cross continued on December 2, 1854. However, as it was Saturday, the army decided to knock off early and go drinking (mistake number one). Many even left the stockade for the night leaving it severely undermanned. They assumed that since the next day was Sunday, the British were not going to attack on the holy day (mistake number 2). As you can imagine that is exactly what the British did. The diggers were half-drunk and taken completely by surprise.

On the morning of December 3rd, around 5 am, police, detachments of the British Regulars, Mounted Calvary, British Reserves, and two detachments of mounted police stormed the poorly built stockade and overwhelmed the sleeping diggers. The battle quickly turned into a slaughter as the unorganized rebels were quickly captured and killed. Most of the carnage was attributed to the police forces and not the regular British soldiers. In fact, in some cases the British Regulars were forced to stop the local police force from slaughtering large numbers of the miners. In the end 22 miners and 8 soldiers died. Martial law was established and 120 diggers were arrested.

So the rebellion ended before it even began. The moral of the story: When planning armed revolution you should probably lay off the alcohol. The story did have a happy ending though, as all arrested miners were eventually acquitted and the unjust license laws were repealed. All the demands of the miners were met, so in that regard the rebellion could be called a success.

All in all I enjoyed my time at Sovereign Hill. I learned a lot and I got to explore the Aussie version of the Wild West. I particularly enjoyed learning about the Eureka Rebellion as it is both interesting and important to the understanding of the Aussie mindset. Though the rebellion failed, many Australians still wave the Flag of the Southern Cross proudly (much like the south still flys the Confederate Flag). Many Aussies even get the flag tattooed on them (again much like the American South), but I can understand why. Though it was a failed experiment it was certainly a step in the right direction. However, I cannot help but imagine what would have happened had the rebellion continued and succeeded... The United States of Australia... I guess we'll never know.

The Odds and Ends

So, here is a post I have been working on ever since my arrival in Australia. Over the past 3+ months whenever I have gone on trips, went out exploring, or even while I was walking to or from work, I would bring my camera with me. In doing so I have been able to catch some of the more weird, bizarre, and uniquely Australian pictures that I really couldn't fit into any of my other blogs. Below I have given you my favorites (along with my own childish and idiotic thoughts, of course.) I hope you enjoy a pictorial exploration of Australia and all its oddities and ends.


Two things about this picture. The most obvious is that in Australia, "Yield" signs, say "Give Way," (because why use one word when you can use two.) Secondly, on the above sign there is a sticker that is promoting the not-fake political party known as The Australian Sex Party. If you look close you can see that the sticker has the slogan: Australian Sex Party, Where you always come first. Yes the Aussies are not only cool enough to have an actual political party based around sex, but good humored enough to have campaign slogans like that.



In Australia, you can get any type of alcohol you want in a can. I'm talking anything from mudslides to Smirnoff to wine. Above is pictured a Jim Bean and Cola concoction. I found the can discarded on the side of the road, also proving the point that even Aussies litter.

You may be asking, "Why did Adam include a picture of a pigeon?" My answer to you is, "Everywhere you go in Melbourne, there are birds indoors." I wish i was exaggerating. Go to the malls, the stores, the bus stations, the airports, etc. There are always birds flying around and walking around in doors. As you can notice I took this picture of this wiley pigeon underneath the table at the food court of a small shopping plaza.

And you thought American Gas Prices were high. (be aware its in liters and not gallons.)

Pictured above is a modern Aussie Urinal. Yes, gentlemen, no separate urinal stalls for our Aussie cousins. They much prefer to all pee against a metal wall over a grated trench, like its the 1950's (which in parts of Australia it still is.) Also there is no way to flush it. The water just drains and sometimes fresh water circulates down the wall.

Above are two of the more colorful warning signs I have come across in my travels across Australia (and I have come across a lot.) The sign on the left is for Bells Beach and it warns of such mundane dangers as: Dangerous Currents, High Surf, Submerged Objects, and Slippery Rocks. The sign on the right warns of dangers I can't even be sure of, but they all look excruciatingly bad. As you can see the Aussies do not skimp in their portrayals of violent stick figure death.

Beware of the "Aged." They are coming to get you. (Secondly, which person portrayed in this sign is considered to be the elderly person? I would have at least given one of them a cane or something.)

There is one thing I have found about Australia, no one in this country is equipped to handle even the smallest amount of rain. Buses stop, trains shut-down, and people put their lives on hold for even small downpours. The sign above is for a Thai Massage Parlor. The only reason I really included this picture is because of the very small middle line on the sign. For anyone who can't see it, it says: Closed due to flood damage, (But still love you long time!). Aussies really have very good sense of humors, or there is something going on in these Thai massage parlors that someone should investigate.

I have no words to really describe this statue. To be entirely clear, it is a statue of a naked man falling backward, possibly attempting to hit a volleyball. I sometimes get the feeling that the Aussies just have statues because they think they should. Someone along the line went, "Ah screw it, let's just go with the falling naked man statue. Its good enough." To further illustrate my point, this statue is not located in an obscure municipal park, but  in one of the largest parks along St. Kilda Road, which is one of the main streets right near the center of the city.

Let's just say Aussies, really know how to throw a party.

Its good to see that Xavier is branching out overseas. I pass by this school everyday, they seem normal enough... except for the kid that was blue. 

In Australia, the guy who directed the Lord of the Rings Trilogy has his own brand of cigarettes.

I swear to God, the Aussies put Ham in everything.

Really, I just like this sign because in my own warped mind it says This Way to Noobies Centre. (Sorry, video game humor)

I have no idea what this sign is telling me to do. The best I got is: Place car on lift at 20 kmh, then raise into the sky... then drive off.

Truthfully, this is a very nice (working) lawn clock found in the center of Melbourne. I actually think it is very beautiful. The only odd thing about it, is that it remains un-vandalized. You know that if this was in America, the clock would perpetually be set to 4:20.

This is the entrance way to some one's house. You can't really tell from the picture, but the hole that you need to walk through, is very very tiny. Standing next to it, the top of opening was barely at my chest. Whoever lives here must truly be a Hobbit.

Above, two very common types of cars I see on the road in Australia. To me, the yellow van on the left proves that the Aussies are not as far removed from their British forefathers as they like to think. The blue care on the right, however, is a distinctly Australian car. It is called an Ute (oot). It is a coupe utility vehicle. More specifically the car is a Holden 2006 VZ Ute Thunder. It is very popular with teenagers and college-age kids. Whenever you see them on the road they are usually "tricked-out" with spinners, lights, and crazy paint jobs. (Because who wouldn't want a car that sits two people and only holds half the capacity of a pick-up truck?)

Lastly, the sign should say Duck Reach Walk, thus proving that, (like in America,) there are people in Australia who think they are hilarious.

Where the Wild Nerds Roam

ATTENTION: The following blog has been rated PG (Pretty Geeky), for intensely suggestive nerdiness, strong Klingon language, crude costuming, graphic novels, and explicitly no sexual activity. Some Material May Be Inappropriate for Children Over 13.

For the record, I shot first.

I spent my weekend in a little slice of nerd heaven, which I am calling Dorkhalla (where all the brave nerd-dead go when they pass on, to do nothing but each nachos all day and spend their time arguing about who would win in a fight between Batman and Jesus). I found this little haven of my own kindred right here in Melbourne, Australia, at a "Pop Culture" Convention, called Supanova, and as I have been doing my own independent exploration of the comic book community in Australia, by visiting different comic shops around the area, I decided to attend this prestigious event (purely for scientific research, of course).

What I discovered was a magical, mystical land, squeezed conveniently in an old exhibition warehouse. It is hard for me to convey how awesome of a time I had at Supanova 2011. I have attended smaller conventions before, but only with a timid curiosity, being too afraid to fully throw myself in the deep-end of geekdom. However, this time I decided to hold my nose and take the plunge. Though I did stop short of pulling out my full Green Lantern costume, I did manage to super doggy paddle my way through this event by purchasing a full weekend pass, and making a commitment to see and be seen by as many people as I could. This pass allowed me to spend my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday rubbing elbows with people in costumes and everyone's favorite B and C-list sci-fi and fantasy celebrities.

One of my biggest highlights was getting to sit three rows of folding chairs away from Simon Pegg and Nick Frost as they talked about their new movie Paul. (For any Americans still scratching their heads over the names, they are the two guys from Shaun of the Dead, and if that really didn't help, Simon Pegg played Scotty in the new Star Trek). The British duo were just as entertaining in person as one might expect. They were funny, and incredibly tolerant of some of the idiots in the audience... like me, when I got a chance to ask them a question. I asked Simon Pegg if he might do his impression of an obscure Star Wars droid known as a "Mouse-Droid." He performed the impression in good humor, I laughed loudly, and awkwardly into the microphone I was standing behind and sat back down. (It was everything I could have dreamed of.) I even struck up a very interesting conversation with person sitting next to me who was dressed as an anime character I still cannot identify.

This brings me to my next point of observation about Australians... They love Japanese anime. Nearly 80% of those costume playing (or Cosplay as it is called by those in the know,) were of people with spiky white, pink, blue, etc hair, wielding ridiculously over sized weapons. However, if you look at Australia's proximity to Japan (geographically speaking) this tends to make a lot of sense. More to the point because of the Australian fervor for the wide-eyed Japanese animation style, I was able to catch a premiere screening of Neon Evangelion 2.22, and if you think the name is confusing you should have watched the movie. In all seriousness though, I joke because I care. I am an equal opportunity nerd, and many years ago my good friend Jicha explained to me the premise of the Neon Evangelion storyline. I won't give anything away, but the movie was decent, if not very anime. In other words, by movie's end I was left feeling both a little confused and disturbed by what I had just seen. On the plus side, it was introduced by Mike McFarland who voiced Master Roshi on Dragonball Z, which brought back many pleasant and violent memories of childhood.

But not everyone was dressed as a disproportinate animated character. There were your standard and non-standard outfits. You can always find a Darth Vader or a Princess Leia, but I also found people dressed as Mario and Lugi, Disney Princesses, obscure supervillans, and a very creative half-pirate/half-ninja outfit. As for myself, I got into the spirit of things by buying a 3 dollar shirt from the Salvation Army and 4 dollars worth of felt and sewing supplies. I very crudely sewed an X-Men "X" patch onto the shirt and called it my contribution to costuming. For my first attempt at sewing I actually don't think it came out too bad, and for seven dollars how can you beat it. I took many photographs of people in costumes and some of the amazing coolness I saw around me.

However, my time at Supanova was not spent solely in the pursuit of costumed characters. I met (and stalked) a lot of interesting people. On the top of this list is Chris Claremont (a personal hero), which is a name that should be a household one, as his is one of the great American comic book writers of all time, coming in only behind people with names like Jack Kirby and Stan Lee. It was under his 17 years of care that the X-Men went from a failing unknown comic book to one of the most popular series of all time. He was one of the first comic writers to create strong female and African-American superheroes (though, when asked about it he seems rather bitter toward Jean Grey, preferring to refer to her only as "the redhead.") When I met him and asked him for his signature I was profoundly speechless, and when I asked him a question during one of his panel sessions the question came out rather incoherently, much to my chagrin. Not many people can tongue-tie me like that. (For point of reference, not even Simon Pegg and Nick Frost did that to me.)

Ironically, some of my most memorable meetings were not of famous comic writers, British movie stars, or other celebrities (like Charisma Carpenter or the kid who played Draco Malfoy,) but people of lesser known fame. I met and talked with an awesome band by the name of Kirby Krackle. The two guys behind the band, Kyle and Jim, are from Seattle and really knocked me for a loop with their genuine, funny, and touching songs about things like video games and comics. I become an instant fan and bought both of their albums. (I may even have over overdone my enthusiasm a bit as I attended everyone of their sessions and concerts and even got into discussions with them about all sorts of randomness from the best Philly cheesesteak to my favorite Australian candy bar.) I think this is the first time I came off as the weird American to fellow Americans, but they suffered it in good humor and proved to be just two awesome guys. Here is one of their more popular songs about Green Lantern called Ring Capacity.


Above Paul Mason's Soldier's Legacy,
for a piece done for the Tides of Hope comic
book in support of the Queensland Flood
Relief Effort.

Next, I was given a chance to meet a very talented Australian comic book artist by the name of Paul Mason. He was not only an interesting and excellent guy to talk with but he has created and published a comic called Soldier's Legacy, and the moment I saw his artwork it just jumped out at me. For any American who thinks that there are no quality Australian superhero comics, than you need to check out Paul's work. Not only is he talented, but he has created a comic book that has both an iconic and unique feel to it. On a more personal note, I enjoyed talking with Paul, as I learned we even shared some similar views on comics and comic book theory. I feel very happy and privileged to have gotten to know and interact with so many talented people like Paul Mason and Kirby Krackle.

I had a great time at Supanova 2011. I met all sorts of people and got to walk around with superheroes, anime characters, Star Wars charaters, comic writers, artists, and much more. This weekend really reminded me why I have such a passion for my own geekiness, and it also inspired me. When I get back to States I may have to start looking for a comic artist who might be interested in some of the comic scripts I have put together over the past few years. At the very least it really inspired me in my own writing to be proactive and take risks.

I will end here on one last thought. I know most people tend to judge the community that dresses up in capes and masks and attends comic conventions, but the truth is I spent the weekend talking and meeting some of the nicest and friendliest people I yet to meet anywhere on my travels. There was no tension, or presumption, or even arguments to be found (other than who is the best Dr. Who, which is obviously David Tennant.) You may even think that the people who attend these conventions are weird and a bit extreme, but I ask you to consider the person who paints their face for a football game, or wears their team's jersey everywhere they go. Those people are just as committed to their passion as anyone I met this weekend. I had a lot of amazing experiences, and whether it was watching the Kamameha Contest (hosted by the voice of Master Roshi) or watching the One-Man Lord of the Ring Comedy Show, I knew I was among people who were there to just have fun. In the end. if I have taken anything away from my experiences both this weekend and in Australia, all we should ever strive to be is who we are. So I am a nerd and I'm damn proud of it.

A Taste of Australia

So now I have been living in Australia for a few months now, and I have been here long enough to sample some of the local cuisine (and by local cuisine I mean fast food). My rating for each of the following restaurants will be based on a one to five star system, and since I am down under, so I will be using the seven-pointed Federation Star.

MCDONALDS

So let's start off with the most obvious resturant. Its our biggest export to the world since Coca Cola or Disney (both of which have contractual deals with McDonalds.) The natives call it "Makkers," which still sounds weird to me. As far as food goes, there is not much to say. McDonalds is McDonalds is McDonalds. A Big Mac tastes like a Big Mac. The Chicken McNuggets are the same, the Hash Browns taste like Hash Browns, the McSnozberries taste like McSnozberries, and you can even get a Sausage Egg McMuffin (which is unheard of in Australia), and not only do the french fries taste like french fries, but on the menu they are even called "fries." (However, when I ordered the fries, the 17 year old behind the counter became confused because I didn't say "chips," but the menu at least says fries.) I am, however, a big fan of the McCafe, which is just starting to catch on in the States, but is a standard part of every McDonalds in Australia. The McCafe is set up as a different counter that serves, coffee, lattes, hot chocolate, and even has an array of cakes and muffins to choose from. The good part is that since this is McDonalds, they are usually a cheaper alternative to other city coffee places and their five-dollar muffins. I give Australian McDonalds 4 out of 5 Federation Stars.

HUNGRY JACK'S

If the logo looks familiar that is because it is. Hungry Jack's is a subsidiary of Burger King. For some reason Australia is one of the only countries in the world that calls it Hungry Jacks instead of Burger King. However, regardless of the name change it is basically the same. I say basically, because in Australia when you have the burger "your-way" that means you can get ingredients like beets, mustard, relish, eggs, and tomato sauce on your burger. As far as taste goes, Hungry Jacks stays pretty faithful to the Burger King formula. The fries are different and the chicken nuggets have a slightly altered taste but it is still good. It is also one of the best values with a meal that offers a Chicken Sandwich, Fries, Drink, and an Ice Cream Sundae for five dollars. In a country where a bottle of coke costs A$3.50, that's a good value. I give Hungry Jacks 3.5 out of 5 Federation Stars.

KFC

Here's a face I bet you thought you would never see in Australia. I mean how does the very southern and very American marketing face of Colonel Harland D. Sanders translate to the wild outback of Australia? The answer is: Not Too Badly. KFC is one of the biggest franchises in this country, even sponsoring the annual Cricket Finals. (I bet old Harland had no idea what cricket even was ,let alone that his restaurant would be sponsoring it.) As far as taste, I am glad to report there is no real change. My main complaint is that the Aussie KFCs do not carry Snacker Sandwiches or Mashed Potato Bowls (which are my two favorite things). However, I did try "The Double," which of all the things we export why we decided to send forth a sandwich that replaces the bread with two pieces of chicken, I will never know. Why not just confirm to the world our absurd obesity issues. I give it 3.5 out of 5 Federation Stars.

TACO BILL

No that is not a typo, the restaurant's name is really Taco Bill. It is the only franchised Mexican restaurant in Australia, and because of that I feel very sorry for the people of Australia and Mexico. It bills itself as an authentic Mexican restaurant, but the truth is that it cannot even hold a candle to Taco Bell, let alone to any one of the authentic or non-authentic Mexican restaurants you can find in the tri-state area. The tacos are made with poorly cooked beef, that is more hash than minced. The salsa was weak, and worst of all the taquitos were wrapped in hard shells and deep fried. They made me slightly sick (Which, for anyone who knows me, knows how much I love a good taquito, especially at 3 in the morning from 7-11). Eating at this establishment made me long for America and our slightly realer Mexican food, and endless nacho chips. I give Taco Bill 1 out of 5 Federation Stars.

PANCAKE PARLOUR

The closest I have found to American-esque Pancakes in Australia. The only time I ate here was with my sister, and we had two "two-for-one" short stack coupons. We both had four pancakes (which surprised our waitress and further cemented the fat American stereotype, but I didn't care.) After leaving here it was the fullest I had ever felt while in Australia. Still, with that said, the place was very overpriced, and their bottomless coffee deal was far from bottomless. The service was slow and getting the attention of a waitress was near impossible. Even worse the Aussies severely underestimated how much maple syrup a person can use when eating pancakes. So as good as it was, it still does not compare to IHOP. However they did have some tasty looking desert pancakes that I'd be willing to try... Yet no one in Australia has seemed to have invented the chocolate chip pancake. Over all, I give it 4 out of 5 Federation Stars.

 SUBWAY

What is there to say about Subway? Not much I can tell you. I suppose this is my innate New Jersey prejudice, but Subway is the place where people go when they do not have actual sandwich delis to go to. With that said, there are no sandwich delis in Australia, and Subway is a pretty standard and safe option when you are craving a basic American-type sandwich. It is a very popular restaurant in Australia, which got me to start thinking that if any Quizinos Execs are reading this blog, you can make a killing out here, because (as we all know) Quizinos far exceeds Subway, but the Aussies have never heard of it. I give Subway 3 out of 5 Federation Stars.

KRISPY KREME

Krispy Kreme donuts do exist in Australia, even though they barely exist in the American North-East. I have only had Krisy Kreme Donuts a few times in my life, but the ones I have had in Australia seem pretty much the same. They are covered in glaze, and half a box could probably cause Lance Armstrong to have a heart attack. However, they are not popular in Australia, as I have only found two in all of Melbourne, but they are delicious. With that said, Australia really doesn't do donuts, so it is actually pretty surprising to find even two. yet nothing is more surprising than the fact that most Aussies have never heard of Dunkin Donuts. In New Jersey there is a DD on every street corner, here they are non-existent. You would think the franchise would try to expand across the seas, instead of across the streets. I do miss Dunkin Donuts, and the nights I spent with SB Fun Committee sitting outside in folding chairs eating donuts and drinking coffee, like we were still in high school. I miss those nights. I give Krisy Kreme 4 out of 5 Federation Stars.

STARBUCKS

Speaking of coffee we come now to the famous Seattle coffee company, Starbucks. This is another little seen franchise, barely found anywhere in Australia. Though it is featured prominently in the main section of Melbourne, there are really only 4 or 5 Starbucks throughout all of Victoria. This is of course, completely reverse of America where it is hard to find 4 or 5 corners where there aren't Starbucks. However, in Australia I can understand why they are not as popular. I mean at home you go to Starbucks when you feel like paying five dollars for a cup of coffee. In Australia, you pay five dollars for a cup a coffee regardless of where you are. Yet, there is one thing about the Starbucks here that I really think should be brought to the States: Iced Hot Chocolate. Why do we not have this?!? Not only are they delicious but they are perfectly logical to sell. Iced Coffee is so popular, why not have Iced Hot Chocolate. It is now the only thing I order when I go to Starbucks. This is another establishment that makes me miss the Fun Committee nights of coffee and BS, back home. (I really get nostaligc around food.) I give Starbucks 3.8 out of 5 Federation Stars, but I give Iced Hot Chocolate 5 out of 5 Federation Stars.

So for now, that about covers the basics. There are a few ideas I have for anyone who is paying attention and looking to make a good business investment. I believe the following restaurants would do very well in Australia: Wendy's, Five Guys Burgers, IHOP, Taco Bell, Chili's, and anyone who can figure out a way to setup a passable Jersey-esque diner. I miss diners.   

Foreigners

Me and my Irish friend, Zoe

Last night I bid farewell to my friend Zoe, an Irish native who I became close with during my time working as a hawker for my previous job with the charity. Myself, along with her, her boyfriend, and another friend went out for drinks and played some pool (actual pool, not billiards). At the end of the week she is off to Alice Springs and then Perth. It got me thinking about how odd it is to know that you will very likely never see someone again, but how common it has become for me. You see, in my travels I have been meeting and making friends with many "backpackers," (as us non-Aussies travelers are often called). You get close to people, and then with the matter of a few days you bid each other good-bye and that is it. We all move on to the next place, the next adventure, and the next destination. It was the same with Stuart from England, Lisa from Germany, etc, etc, etc.

However, I have also been thinking about all these other backpackers and my interactions with them. As I am now working for as a laborer for a staffing agency, I have met many different people from all over the world on a very frequent basis. The agency, called Down Under Employment, will hire out anywhere between 3 and 20 backpackers to do basic labor jobs, such as moving furniture or other tedious manual labor jobs. (Its not the most glorious work, but at least it keeps me busy.) Anyway, when taking these jobs you almost never work with the same people more than once or twice so you always have occasions to get to know new and strange foreigners. In my interactions with them I have learned a few things and their opinions of Americans.

First off, there are not many Americans in Australia. So right off the bat, I usually get one of two questions. "Are you Canadian?" (Most people guess Canadian first, because apparently the Canucks, get very insulted if you call them American.) or "You seem like an American." (To which I usually respond "thank you," which seems to confuse people a bit). After we establish that I am not Canadian the conversation turns to where I am from, with my usual response being, "just outside New York City on the Jersey side of the Hudson." This of course usually causes them to launch into a great and long explanation how they have always wanted to go to New York, or how they have been to New York.

The funny thing about people from other countries, if that whatever they think of Americans, they always dream of seeing America. Almost anyone you ask has a list of places they want to see in America, from Hollywood to New York, Las Vegas to New Orleans. I believe this has a lot to do with American movies. I have mentioned before how America exports so much in the way of American cultures and lifestyle through our TV shows and movies, that many people around the world they irrevocably associate our country (or parts of our country) with their favorite movies. I have heard foreigners go on about every American movie from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas to Cool Hand Luke to Ghostbusters all of which cast certain parts of our country in different lights. So what I really find during my interactions with other backpackers is there belief that America exists like one big movie set.

When people talk about New York they reference 80's movies, like Ghostbusters or even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, during the pre-Giuliani, and they forever get the image of steamy sewer vents, muggers and bums around every corner, and a city flooded with angry crowded people. (So basically its an accurate picture, except now there is a lot less steam and bums.) Or when foreigners talk of New York they tall about Seinfeld or Friends. They want to see the diner where Jerry and George go to, or they want to find Central Perk (which I try to explain is not a real place, as Friends is probably one of the most inaccurate portrayals of of New York Life. I mean seriously, Joey is an out-of-work actor. There is no way he can afford that apartment.) When we talk of Vegas they think it is all Ocean's 11 or The Hangover. San Fransisco is gay, Washington State is filled with vampires, Texas is filled with cowboys, and even Boston is filled with Leonard DiCaprio.

Probably the most common question I get asked is, "So you went to an American Uni (college)?" When I say yes, they usually smile a big grin and nod with visions of American Pie and Animal House running through their heads. I of course try to explain to them, that as much as I love my country, we are all not lovable sitcom characters, hell-bent action heroes, solitary cowboys, lovable sidekicks, singing newsies, drunk fraternity brothers, cunning but honorable criminals, or Paris Hilton. Movies are an exaggeration and when it comes right down to it, we are as human and as ordinary as anyone in their own country. They of course understand that, but I know that on some level they hold onto their allusion of America as a place of dreams and fantasy, as we all hold onto our allusions about places and people we have never met or seen first hand. (Says the man who wants to go to New Zealand and try to find a Hobbit.)

Most foreigners are very nice to me and very interested in talking to me, as there are not many Americans to talk with. However, you do meet some who for the most part are turned off by my American-ness. (These are the people that are surprised that I take being called an American as a compliment.) They are never mean or even rude, they just usually nod when I talk and then move on after we have exchanged a few customary greetings. I know they too have their own allusions about America and Americans, and I don't think I could persuade them from their beliefs anymore than I could persuade the others that Hollywood is not America. Ironically, the one thing most foreigners agree upon is that they love Obama. This is reinforced that he is on the news over here as much as Australia's own prime minister, or almost as much as Charlie Sheen.

Apparently, the people of other countries see our current President as a person more open to diplomatic relations. They see him as a person who will be a friend to their country and someone who is approachable on the international level. So for whatever faults Obama has (and he has a few in my opinion), I am grateful to him for at least this one part. He has actually given America a more favorable image to the rest of the world, which I believe has made my life traveling a bit easier. It is also worth mentioning that this is good, because American new dominates in Australia as much as Australian news does. Every day when I open the free paper I get on the train I see more than a dozen stories about the US, and not even the important ones. I see stories about a man in Utah that survived being electrocuted while on the job with the power company, or a story about an 11 year old Nebraska boy who miraculously being run over by a train. More than anything, I have heard people say that America is very American-centric with our news, but the truth is, it seems like we are not the only country who is.

However, I am digressing. As for my interactions with this second group of people I also blame the media and Hollywood. I have been saying for years that we need to watch who and what we export to the world, and right now all we are truly giving them is garbage. Everyday there is another story about Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, or some other ridiculously horrendous non-celebrity who has once again embarrassed themselves and America. More and more these stars and the types of reality shows that we air are being associated with our country. So much so that I was having a conversation with an Aussie the other day and we got on the subject of Mel Gibson. "He's crazy," said the Aussie. "Well, he is yours," I replied. "He hasn't been Australian since Lethal Weapon. He's American," was the reply that I found hard to argue. I had a similar conversation with a Brit about David Beckham and Posh Spice. Apparently, once oversees celebrities embrace that sort of celebrity persona and lifestyle, they become irreparably American.

So in a way I cannot blame foreigners for the views they have on my home country, both good and bad. I mean let's face it, how often do we look at the magazines in the supermarket line or watch some stupid news piece of the Entertainment Network and just shake our heads. It kind of makes me wish we were all Peter Parkers, Indiana Jones, or even John McClanes. Still, I endeavour to be as good of an ambassador of America as I can all the people I meet. I guess in a way that may make me the plucky hero determined to overcome our own short comings... I just think it will take me longer than the span of 2 hours.