Mo' Money Mo' Problems

Myself, on the job in the exciting world of charity collection.
I'm trying to stay positive, and mostly I am hoping no one
tries to throw anything at me today.

All play no work makes Adam a lazy lazy person... happier, but lazy nonetheless. That is why about a month ago I got a job with a charity called Helping Hoops. Basically it is a charity that teaches disadvantaged children basketball, children who are disabled, refugees, come from bad home conditions, etc. It sounds very noble and I applied for it along with several other jobs. Helping Hoops was the only organization I heard back from. Long story short I work as one of their fundraisers. Which means I have a plastic cup that I take from business to business and beg for money with. In Australia they apparently call that hawking, but the first time someone called me a hawker I thought they were yelling some obscure Ausssie curse at me. The target for a day is A$200, which sounds relatively easy on paper, but turns out that in practice it is a lot more difficult. Basically, the math seemed simple. If I talk to 200 people a day (which I easily do) and everyone gives A$1 than I will be set. I knew that was only an estimate as some would give nothing, but some people give 5 dollars. Turns out there are a lot of other factors I forgot to contend with and I have had some interesting experiences over the past four weeks.

I once got locked in an abandoned building, which I entered because the door was open. Turned out, when shut the door locked on both sides. My best experience was when I scored a free beer at a pub, but mostly you don't get a lot of good experiences. I have been cursed at and thrown out of shops (almost by force). It seems that a lot of charitable organizations in the city resort to hawking to collect money and shop owners are sick of donating to panhandlers and vagabond collectors (and understandably). So more often than not you get a "no," followed usually by a long winded excuse. You see, the thing about the Aussies is that they are really nice people and they actually feel guilty when they do not donate. Most people don't want you thinking that they do not donate so once they refuse to give you money, you usually have to stand there for the next minute and listen as they recite the 20 or so charities that usually do give to. Basically, they don't want me walking away with the wrong impression and they will try to convince me that they give regularly to the kids or the animals or the environment or the save the caterpillar foundation, etc. These days most people go with the "I am gave all my money to the Queensland Flooding." Truthfully though, as annoying as that approach is, I almost prefer it to the other types of "No's" you get throughout the day.

For instance, most non-Aussies such as Chinese, Greek, Slovakian, and other foreign shop owners have a manual they all follow for dealing with people like me. (It is handed out by the Australian government to all immigrants upon acquiring a business license.) I try not to generalize, but basically, when I walk into a foreign owned store I can usually predict how it will work out. I will walk up to the counter, smile at the clerk and/or employees and give my usual spiel. I will than stand there dumbly for a few moments as they continue to look at me before uttering in broken English, "Boss, not here," (even though I can clearly see him standing behind you, or even if it is painfully clear that you are the boss.) I am usually ceased by the desire to tell them is that we accept personal donations as well as business donations and any small amount of change will suffice, but what I really say is. "Okay. Have a nice day," and I walk out, because quite frankly what is the point... Another favorite of course is when I get a speech about how times are tough and about how I and everyone like me should stop bothering hard working people. At least it is better than being cursed out. I was once told very clearly to go away and do some unnatural things to myself by a personal trainer (though to be fair I think it was the roids talking). However, I do not want to make it sound like everyone is tight with money. You do get some very generous people who give gold coins (Aussie dollars and 2 dollars) or even notes (usually 5 dollars, but sometimes a 10). You also get others who give you 20 cents and make it sound like they just broke the bank to do it.

Regardless, it tends to be a tough job and pretty thankless job. When you hit the A$200 dollar mark, the boss gives you no congratulations and of course when you come in under the mark you tend to get a speech about how you need to improve your attitude. At which point I usually want to tell him to go and do some pretty nasty things to himself. (How is that for improving my attitude)... I do wonder sometimes why I accepted it. My rationale was that I wanted to do a job that was outside my comfort zone. I had hoped by taking a job that involved a large volume of contact with people I could work on being more outgoing and more personable (even if I am faking it.) Truthfully it has worked to at least some degree, (most noticeably with cute shop girls.) Also there is miles and miles of walking involved in the job and I thought that it might help me stay slim help, and give me the opportunity to see parts of the city. However, mostly it just tends to be blisters, sunburn, people talking down to you, and the occasional angry dog. I was never lucky enough to serve in the military (mostly due to my massive cowardice), but maybe in a way I am trying to make up for that. I mean this job seems to have the right mix of physical exhaustion, dehydration, and is certainly degrading to my person. Maybe I am testing myself... Maybe I am just being silly... Maybe I'm glad that Aussie shopkeepers don't have the right to bear arms.