Tramdemonium

Most big cities I have been to usually have some sort of unique form of public transportation. New York has the subway. It is fast, avoids traffic, and costs about $2 to enter the system and travel anywhere you want across the 5 boroughs. Similarly, Chicago has the L-Train, and even Philly has a comprehensive network of public buses. Most make sense and once you understand the spaghetti-like maps which tell you where each subway goes and where to make connections, you can navigate the city with relative ease. Among these forms of "unique" transportation I would like to add the Melbourne Tram System. The only exception being, that it is one of the worst public transportation systems made.

The trams, (kinda like drinking day old milk, because you are conserving money) seem like a good idea in conception, but the execution usually winds up being far worse than expected. The Melbourne tram system runs down the middle of most major roads in Melbourne. There are different numbered trams running to different destinations and stops (like taking tram 97 to stop 36... or was that tram 36 to stop 97?). Sometimes these trams run on different tracks and sometimes they run on the same tracks. Electrical tram wires overhang most major intersections of the city and give the appearance of a tightrope act gone wrong. On other less major streets the trams must share the car lanes, thus often causing confusion and havoc as cars must wait for trams, or worse try to dodge around the slow moving capsules. Perhaps the worst part is that trams (unlike subways) must obey traffic laws and must stop for things like read lights, traffic jams, as well as electrical breakdowns in the tram system.

Thus, what Melbourne has actually created is a more complicated and more expensive bus system. In my opinion it would be cheaper if all the trams were just converted to buses and given their own separate lane in the center of the road. Than, the rails and overhanging electrical wires can be done away with and it will be cheaper to maintain and use the system. The city however is against this, (as I have been told by many a Melbournian), because the Tram System is considered historic and helps to define Melbourne as a city. In other words, the system may not work, but its ours so we are going to keep it.



Just another morning in Melbourne, brought to you by the
Yarra Tram Company.



At the very least the city should think about refining the pay system for the trams. To gain admittance onto the trams you must either buy a ticket at a corner store or designated MetCard retailer, or you must purchase the ticket on the tram itself at the automated machine. This sounds simple enough, but (again like the sour milk) looks can be deceiving. The machines on board the tram systems only accept change. (imagine my surprise the first time I got on a tram and realized that I could not insert paper money to pay for my ride, nor could I use a credit card... and the doors had already shut and we were moving.) I mean what machine these days doesn't accept bills or credit? More to the point, Aussie money is made of high grade plastic that is meant to be sophisticated and high tech. How high tech could it be if it won't even process through a ticket machine?

But I am digressing. The real dilemma of all of this comes when you get up for work and head to the tram at about 9 AM. None of the stores are open at this time, because Australia exists in a leisurely world where they see no need to open before 10 AM, and if you live outside the main city where all the main tram stations are located you cannot purchase a ticket with money or credit. If you do not have A$6 in change for an all day ticket or A$3 in change for a 2 hour ticket, than you might be walking. I have tried to alleviate this "oh #&*%" scenario by purchasing a prepaid MyKi card which is a digital card you swipe when you enter onto the tram. You can recharge it at any convenient MyKi machine (found conveniently only in the downtown area) or through the Internet. It sounded easy enough, but what they don't tell you is that it takes over 24 hours to process any recharge made to the card. Thus, if my balance is low and I recharge the card on Thursday, I may not be able to use it again till Saturday.

The whole system is messed up and I am not saying this as an American but as an adopted Melbournian myself. Most locals will agree with me. Maybe its time to invest in a bike and a new carton of milk.