A Thousand Ways to Die

I was just informed by my roommates that a day before I arrived my one roommate found a Funnel-Web Spider in the kitchen sink and was forced to promptly kill it. This of course prompted me to put on long pants, socks, a sweater, a full face mask, and to strip all the sheets off my bed, close all my windows (even though it was 80 degrees out), and to thoroughly search my room and all my possessions. Why did I overreact? Only because the Funnel-Web Spider is one of the deadliest spiders on earth.

"I thought those were only in the Outback?" I asked naively. (I mean I am in a major metropolitan city, where I thought my biggest risk was being hit by an errant tram.) Turns out the Funnel-Web is quite common in Melbourne. So now I check my room every night... but of course there is more than just spiders that can kill you here. I will again quote Bill Bryson on this subject matter. "This is a country where the fluffiest caterpillars can lay out a toxic nip, where seashells will not just sting you but actually sometimes go for you... Its a tough place."

If you don't believe me, here are just a few of the dangers you face in the Land of Oz.

Funnel-Web Spider, These spiders are medium-to-large in size, with body lengths ranging from 1 cm to 5 cm (0.4" to 2"). Funnel-webs are one of the three most dangerous spiders in the world and are regarded by some to be the most dangerous. Examination of bite records has implicated "wandering male spiders" in most (if not all) fatal funnel-web bites to humans. Adult males will defend themselves vigorously if they feel threatened and tend to wander during the warmer months of the year looking for receptive females for mating. They are attracted to water and hence are often found in swimming pools, into which they often fall while wandering. The spiders can survive such immersion for several hours and can deliver a bite when removed from the water. They also show up in garages and yards in suburban homes. 

The box jellyfish has been called "the world's most venomous creature." Each tentacle has about 500,000 harpoon-shaped needles that inject venom into the victim. In Australia, the fatal envenomations are most often perpetrated by the largest species of box jelly, Chironex fleckeri. At least two deaths in Australia have been attributed to the thumbnail-sized Carukia barnesi. Those who fall victim to C. barnesi may suffer severe physical and psychological symptoms known as Irukandji syndrome. In Australia, C. fleckeri has caused at least 64 deaths since the first report in 1883. Most recent deaths in Australia have been in children, which is linked to their smaller body mass.

Redbacks are considered among the most dangerous spiders in Australia. The female Redback is the most easily recognizable with its black body and red markings. The Redback spider has a neurotoxic venom which is toxic to humans with bites causing severe pain. it is related to the Black Widow Spider. On Australian record only 14 deaths from redbacks have been recorded. Only about 20% of bite victims require treatment. Children and the elderly or those with serious medical conditions are at much higher risk of severe side-effects and death resulting from a bite. The larger female spider is responsible for almost all cases of Redback spider bites in humans. Most bites occur in the warmer months between December and April and in the afternoon or evening. As the female Redback is slow-moving, and rarely leaves its web, bites generally occur as a result of a person placing a hand or other body part too close to the web, such as when reaching into dark holes or wall cavities. Bites can also occur if a spider has hidden in clothes or shoes.

The Stonefish is a venomous and dangerous fish which is even fatal to humans. It is the most venomous fish in the world, and is found in the coastal regions of Australia. They are primarily marine, though some species are known to live in rivers. The fish have a potent neurotoxin secreted from glands at the base of their needle-like dorsal fin spines which stick up when disturbed or threatened. The vernacular name of the species, the stonefish, derives from being able to camouflage and transform itself to a grey and mottled color similar to the color of a stone. Divers have sometimes stepped on them, thinking they are stones.

Many people have experienced spectacular allergic reactions when they have come into contact with both live and dead ticks. Having a tick simply walk over a person's hand produces in some people an intense discomfort and itching. In southeast Queensland a "maddening rash" is caused by infestation by many tick larvae. Not infrequently a single tick embedded over an eyelid will result in gross facial and neck swelling within a few hours. The person can go on to develop very severe signs of throat compression within 5–6 hours after the first onset of symptoms. Whilst systemic paralysis is possible in humans it is now a relatively rare occurrence, because an engorging adult female tick needs to remain attached for several days. This was more likely to occur in the past because there was less medical and public awareness of the problem. Paralysis is more likely to occur in children and in situations where ticks are attached in places they are not easily detected. Up to 1989, 20 human fatalities had been reported in Australia.

The blue-ringed octopus live in tide pools in the Pacific Ocean, from Japan to Australia. Despite their small size and relatively docile nature, they are currently recognized as one of the world's most venomous animals. They can be recognized by their characteristic blue and black rings and yellowish skin. When the octopus is agitated, the brown patches darken dramatically, and iridescent blue rings or clumps of rings appear and pulsate within the maculae. The blue-ringed octopus is 12 to 20 cm (5 to 8 inches), but its venom is powerful enough to kill humans. There is no blue-ringed octopus antivenom available. Definitive hospital treatment involves placing the patient on a medical ventilator until the toxin is neutralized by the body. The symptoms vary in severity, with children being the most at risk because of their small body size. Because the venom primarily kills through paralysis, victims are frequently saved if artificial respiration is started and maintained. Victims who live through the first 24 hours generally go on to make a complete recovery



Conidae, or Cone Shells are small creature that hide inside of seas shells. They remain hidden until prey happens by at which point they strike injecting a neurotoxin into their victim. They hunt and immobilize prey using a modified radular tooth along with a poison gland containing neurotoxins; the tooth is launched out of the snail's mouth in a harpoon-like action. Often times tourists will be walking on the beach, see a beautiful looking seashell and hold it up to their ear. Instead of hearing the ocean they get an ear full of venom. Australia even has deadly snails.

Australia is home to the world's ten most poisonous snakes. Pictured above is the Fierce Snake or Inland Taipan, found mostly in Central Australia. It is considered the most venomous snake in the world. The other 9 snakes in order from most deadly to least are: The Common Brown Snake, found all over Australia; The Taipan Snake, found usually in North East Australia; The Eastern Tiger Snake, found in the eastern parts of Australia; the Riesvie Tiger Snake, found all over Australia; The Beaked Sea Snake, found mostly in north eastern Australia; The Western Tiger Snake, found all over Australia (despite the name); The Giant Black Tiger Snake, found both in Australia and Tasmania; The Death Adder (sounds like a heavy metal band I once saw), found in most of Australia; and lastly the Western Brown Snake, found in most of Australia. Please not that just because the Western Brown Snake is the lowest on the list, that does not mean that it does not have enough venom to drop a human. Basically whether you finish first or last on this list... let's face it, you are still a poisonous snake.

The Saltwater Crocodile are found thriving in the Northern Territory, Western Australia, and Queensland. They live commonly in estuaries, but many are known to actually brave the shallower parts of the ocean along the northern and western coasts. The Saltwater Crocodile can grow to sizes of 6 meters (for Americans that is roughly 20 FEET in length). These prehistoric creatures have a wide range of eating habits. They have even been known to eat sharks when given the chance. They have been known to attack and devour humans and there is roughly 1 or 2 deaths annually in Australia attributed to the saltwater croc, usually attacking unsuspecting people who are just walking along the beach. the lightning fast attack comes without warning and is over before the unfortunate victim even realizes what hit them. The Saltwater Croc also has the distinction of being in the Guinness Book of Records under the heading of "The Greatest Disaster Suffered from Animals." The incident in question happened on February 19, 1945, during the Japanese retreat in the Battle of Ramree Island. British soldiers encircled the swampland through which the Japanese were retreating, forcing the Japanese to a night in the mangroves portion of the island. It is estimated that saltwater crocodiles were responsible for the deaths of 400 Japanese soldiers that night.

What would this list be if I didn't mention Sharks. Pictured above is the Great White Shark, of which can be found in Australian waters, and even sometimes inland. After the major flooding in Queensland many sharks were following the rising waters and were attacking cars and other submerged objects in flooded towns while terrified residents watched from the roofs of their houses. The Great White is one of three types of sharks most implicated in human fatalities, and most attacks by sharks are attributed to what are called, "test-bites," where a shark will bite a human to see what it is, often mistaking it for a seal. Most deaths from shark bites result from victims bleeding out or from punctured organs, not from actual devouring. Typically deaths often result in attacked swimmers or surfers that were alone in the waters. Once immobilized by the initial bite they are often unable to flee and either bleed out or drown. Survival of a shark attack often relies on the need for other people to help the victim return to shore as a shark's typical hunting routine relies on making the initial bite to weaken the animal before going in for the kill. The great white and other sharks are usually confounded by the ability of humans to work together to escape before that happens.

Of course, I am leaving out a lot of other dangers, such as natural ones, like; riptides that are so common along the coasts and can pull unsuspecting people screaming people beyond the shore; dehydration and disorientation which happens to many who wander the outback; bushfires which are common and can ravage entire towns and landscapes uncontrolled; or even skin cancer which is a major concern in the land without a proper ozone layer over it.

Even the most iconic animals of this country are deadly in their own way. The claws of a koala can easily rend and tear human flesh, especially when provoked. The kick of a kangaroo is powerful enough to shatter a human's rib cage, and the emu is basically a raptor with feathers. It can use its over sized talons to rip you from belly to chin or it could trample you, kick you, or simply peck you to death. This is a dangerous place. Part of me misses New York. At least there you only had to worry about gangs and muggers.